Phony Baloney Leave Me Alone-y

I am taking a risk with this blog post because it is public and about someone specific. I am counting on the fact that this person does not read my blog. Ever.

How can you be close friends with someone who changes their personality once every couple of years? From dark to light, sad to happy, twisted to shiny. There is always one obsession--a person and/or a group/church/organization. And with no warning, the person you knew shifts into someone else completely. You wonder if you ever knew them at all. You wonder if they ever knew themselves at all. Like the parasite you so fear, you jump from host to host to get your jollies, the attention you seek, the love you need. But it is not love! No one can love someone who does not exist. Admiration, jealousy, fondness maybe. But to love someone else means knowing someone else.

How can you be close friends with someone who only calls when they need something? Never a "How are you doing?" Just blind boasting and random chattering. Abandoning all else for whatever holds your attention the most for the time being. Maybe different tomorrow.

I have always excused you. I have always been sympathetic. Who am I to know what a broken past feels like? What does a tainted childhood do to a person? But childhood is over and it's not so cute anymore. It's time to get help. It's time to wake up.

Is there something deep inside those many layers of bullshit where you KNOW that you aren't real? Do you know that everything you say and do and wear is just for the benefit of others? You are a hologram of a person. I have been trying for years to dig you out, but it is useless now. My pity is all used up.

I cannot hold my tongue when you say you are things that you are not. When you decide you are a different person. When you commit to something, only to do the opposite. When you try to be just like me, but represent everything I am in the worst ways.

I keep hearing, "But she needs you, she needs you." But what about me needing her? What's fair about that?

And so, you're gone. And nothing will ever be the same. You broke it. I guess it was spiraling down anyway. I can only hold my tongue for so long (and now, passive aggressively, I am blogging about it). I can't be there for a Christmas-celebrating Jew, a meat-eating vegetarian, a person who wakes up one morning and decides to be someone else. I can't have my best friend being someone who doesn't exist.

It's so sad.