Things about Amy by Amy

I am insatiable. I am melancholy. I am happy to be sad. I prefer Seattle's weather to San Diego. I listen to sad, heart-breaking music when my heart is just fine. I expect grand gestures and tragic romance (thanks to too much When Harry Met Sally in my formative years). I rarely find people very interesting. I value brains over heart. Passionless people bore me. I am restless. I want to move and chop off my hair and learn a new instrument and make lists and check off lists and make new friends constantly. I have an amazing core group of friends. I am self-aware...I think. I can't focus long enough to write anything beyond stream of consciousness bullshit. I am too critical. I am my best at 2 in the morning and that does not make me lazy for sleeping in the next morning; I just don't want to waste my best hours. I am lazy. I want to be a mother. I want to save animals. I want to change the world. I will look back on myself now in 10 years and think I'm ridiculous. I do not think you should put anyone's happiness above your own, sans your spouse or kids. I expect the worst so I can be pleasantly surprised. I wake up hyperventilating all the time and I don't know why. I don't make excuses and I don't listen to other peoples' excuses...everyone has problems, it doesn't give anyone the right to be an asshole. I want to read everything and see everything and hear everything and be everything all at once. All or nothing. Excess. Addiction. Too much good sense to act upon that. Control freak. Hypochondriac. Romantic. Overly-nostalgic. HISTRIONIC. Abstract. Overwhelmed. Underwhelmed. Whelmed. Pretentious. Jealous. Girl. Person.

Oh, Life

I don't think anyone reads my blog, and that is just fine. I'm too lazy to actually write in a journal, so typing works.

I have been living at home for a month now. Unemployed. Out of school. Depressed. Lonely, but not alone. Life is too easy here. Too stagnant. It's too easy to just be content, but then you realize you're sitting still, sleeping in too late, going to bed too late, and you don't know what day of the week it is. All I've been doing is community theater, wedding stuff for my sister, which is over now, and playing instruments badly. Oh yeah, and blowing my nose. And cooking some. And having man drama (which doesn't have the same ring to it as "boy drama"), but I think that's all over now. The drama is all in my head, anyway. It's not real.

I've recently applied for jobs at both the CA Farm Sanctuary and the NY Farm Sanctuary, and right now, the NY shelter job openings are looking pretty promising. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but things are looking good. I couldn't stop myself from craigslisting Watkins Glen/Ithaca apartments today...found a really cute 2-bedroom farm house for $1135/month...anyone? Anyone? Also got a call from Michelle Sass, my vegan hero and former FS Los Angeles Activist Coordinator...also the queen of Daiya cheese. Apparently "big things" are happening in the vegan world in LA, and they want me on board and I should move back? I guess if the opportunity was good enough, I would...but only with the promise of a steady paycheck. I really hate LA.

Got a hair cut today cause I'm so damn bored. Man, I want this job. I was so at peace at the farm...hanging out in the goat barn, walking down the hill early in the morning while deer crossed in front of me...secret little forests and hidden waterfalls. State parks that actually make me want to hike. And vegans galore, with the same fire and passion I have to help animals. Vegan potlucks. Leafletting. Mmmmmm...heaven.

I use too many elipses.

I'm 22 now and it's not so cute to make bad decisions in the world of romance. No more fucking around. I want a family, and I need to stop wasting my time on things that won't get me to that place. No more masochism. No more wallowing. No more addiction. No more wanting things/people I'll never have. No more prioritizing someone's brain over their heart. Both matter. Both matter an awful lot.

I might start teaching baby ballet soon. Cute alert. Look out, ovaries.

I think I might start trying all this "Secret" bullshit. I guess I should start by not calling it bullshit. I'll look at pictures of upstate NY farm houses and hang out with some goats and start "manifesting" this dream into the "universe." Oh man, I don't know if I can do this. I guess it's worth a try. Positive thinking? The power of prayer? Might as well do this.

My life would be very different...

Without the following things:

Bananas
Tampons
Birth Control
Cell phones
Tweezers
Tofu
Laptops
Facebook
Netflix
Afrin
Tap shoes
Pianos
Contact Lenses

Observations

It's pretty funny when cats fall off of things or fail to jump all the way up onto things, and then act like it never happened. Like an embarrassed person who trips and tries to still look cool. My cat just did this.

Love with the right person should be easy. Thanks, Becky and Adam.

I do not think you should put other people before you in a general sense, unless it is your spouse or children.

Please do not tell me what you think of me, unless I ask.

There's a big difference between liking someone and caring about them.

It may not be as simple as "He's Just Not That Into You" makes it seem. And that does NOT make me a Ginnifer Goodwin.

I am embarrassed by the estrogen behind the previous statement.

Apathy might be the most hurtful thing ever.

I really try not to be mean to people.

I am insatiable.

I prioritize peoples' brains and humor over their hearts. I need to stop doing that.

I would just like to point out...

That I am not a bloody tampon.

In 2009...

I graduated from USC with my BA in Visual Anthropology and Film.
I moved home and lived with my parents at the age of 22.
My sister got engaged.
I got Shelby back.
I fell in love with Portland.
I went to Canada.
I explored vegan LA.
I didn't realllllyyyyy have sex.
I played the guitar lots. And still suck at it.
I did a lot of self-reflecting.
I didn't do a lot of drinking.
But I did puke from drinking for the first time.
I became dependent on Ambien.
I didn't get pregnant.
I didn't kill myself.
I danced a lot.
I sang a lot.
I went to Hawaii.
I lived with my best friend in the whole world.
I got a C.
I had some awkward hook-up experiences.
I had some tragic romance.
I got in some girl-fights.
I missed Amy and Allie a lot.
I didn't do any illegal drugs.
I realized I have some anxiety issues.
I didn't see a therapist.
I didn't eat dairy, eggs, or meat (intentionally).