Saturday, November 28, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Why Vegetarianism Isn't Enough
I want the world to be vegan. That's my vegan agenda. I don't pretend that I don't have a goal or that my choice to be vegan should be personal and private. I don't believe that while veganism might be right for me, it may not be right for you. I'm radical, and that pisses some people off. It isn't easy to hear and people feel judged. But I ate meat once, too, and I know that getting to veganism is a journey that often takes a lot of preparation and education and change to accomplish. It's a lifestyle and should be a lifelong commitment, and if people aren't ready to quit the meat and the dairy and the eggs, it won't stick.
I was pescatarian for about a year before I became vegan. I didn't stop eating meat because it grossed me out and I never really liked it anyway. I probably ate meat every day. I did it because I felt guilty eating meat. I knew I couldn't be an actual "animal lover" if I ate dead animals. It always pisses me off when people say, "No, I get it, I'm a huge animal lover, too!" but they are meat-eaters. Oy vey.
I encourage everyone to stop eating meat. That is the first step. I have the utmost respect for people who take that huge step. BUT--and here's where I'm going to offend people:
If you are getting comfortable in your vegetarianism or pescatarianism, it's time to go vegan. Put down the cheesecake. Tofu scramble it up for breakfast and throw out those eggs. It's time.
If you went vegetarian because you care about animals and think that it is wrong to kill them, consider this: veal is a direct byproduct of veal. Male chicks are thrown into mascerators LIVE in the egg-laying industry. Even free-range hens generally have really shitty lives. Over 50% of dairy industry cows suffer from painful mastitis. Most dairy and egg farms have animals who have never seen the sunlight, can't be with their children, have never stepped on grass, and live in concentration-like condition. And most importantly, almost all of these animals are eventually slaughter, FAR beyond their natural lifespan. Hamburger comes from "spent" dairy cows. Dairy and egg farms still contribute to global warming in a major way. And they are still not healthy for you.
It's time. It'll be okay. Food is still delicious. You will not lack protein or iron or calcium or anything else. No one will hate you. Your family will not disown you. You will live and the suffering will decrease because of it.
I was pescatarian for about a year before I became vegan. I didn't stop eating meat because it grossed me out and I never really liked it anyway. I probably ate meat every day. I did it because I felt guilty eating meat. I knew I couldn't be an actual "animal lover" if I ate dead animals. It always pisses me off when people say, "No, I get it, I'm a huge animal lover, too!" but they are meat-eaters. Oy vey.
I encourage everyone to stop eating meat. That is the first step. I have the utmost respect for people who take that huge step. BUT--and here's where I'm going to offend people:
If you are getting comfortable in your vegetarianism or pescatarianism, it's time to go vegan. Put down the cheesecake. Tofu scramble it up for breakfast and throw out those eggs. It's time.
If you went vegetarian because you care about animals and think that it is wrong to kill them, consider this: veal is a direct byproduct of veal. Male chicks are thrown into mascerators LIVE in the egg-laying industry. Even free-range hens generally have really shitty lives. Over 50% of dairy industry cows suffer from painful mastitis. Most dairy and egg farms have animals who have never seen the sunlight, can't be with their children, have never stepped on grass, and live in concentration-like condition. And most importantly, almost all of these animals are eventually slaughter, FAR beyond their natural lifespan. Hamburger comes from "spent" dairy cows. Dairy and egg farms still contribute to global warming in a major way. And they are still not healthy for you.
It's time. It'll be okay. Food is still delicious. You will not lack protein or iron or calcium or anything else. No one will hate you. Your family will not disown you. You will live and the suffering will decrease because of it.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I'm Nasty, Bro
The end of college is near. Praise God and Satan and all that's in between. 7 days of classes, 2 finals, and 24 days until it's over. But who's counting? It's so hard to go to class and do homework when the end is so near. Hence, an impromptu trip to San Luis Obisbo on Thursday that had me missing two days of class. I wish I cared more. But I don't, so woo!
So, it's been a pretty good week. Wednesday night I worked at The Wiltern at a Josh Ritter/The Swell Season concert. Josh Ritter is an amazing folksy singer who I am kind of familiar with, but now I am in love with him. I was positioned in a spot outside of the actual theater part of the theater, and halfway through Josh Ritter's set, one of the managers came up to me and asked if I liked this band. I told her that I like both of the bands, and she went inside, pulled out the girl who was standing in the handicapped section, and switched us! So I totally just got to watch the concert from a really great spot. THANK YOU, MANAGER MARILYN! The Swell Season is the duo from the movie, Once, which I haven't seen, but their music was so pretty. There was an Irish violin solo and a Czech folk song and then...Jason Segel came out to perform an original song on the piano. I LOVE JASON SEGEL. The song was so funny, and I just about peed my pants when he came out. I stopped pretending I was working. I was clapping. Screaming. Jumping. I even sang along with The Swell Season when they taught us parts of their songs. I am a sap. And also, the only person who was working who liked the music. People kept saying, "really? you liked it?" And I would say, "YES IT WAS EPIC AND AMAZING AND LIFE-CHANGING." They stare at me blankly. I say, "Give me a break, I'm folksy." Folksy is what I am, boys and girls. Not a dirty hippie. Not a crazy vegan. Not someone with naturally wavy hair. Not some war-hating liberal. Oh no. Folksy.
On Thursday, I took an impromptu trip to San Luis Obisbo to go to the Librareunion, meaning, a trip to The Library, a downtown SLO dance club that my cousin and her friends frequent. I enjoy dancing in their window. I enjoy dancing in all windows. As I rushed through The Natural History Museum doing my geology lab during another class that I was skipping and getting hit on by some creepy gem-loving nerd and sitting in traffic and thinking about my checking account as I filled up my gas tank, I thought, "maybe this isn't such a good idea." And then, I thought, "FUCK IT, why not?!" Wooooooo spontaneous freedom liberation! It was a great night for me. Not so great for some other people who I may or may not have royally pissed off. Blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol. And the ambien. My recent "devil-may-care" attitude gets me into some trouble sometimes. This is ambiguous. I'm a bitchy, vague, ambiguous blogger. Oops.
Going to eat some food from Pure Luck and go see PIrate Radio with Jonathan in a bit. Watch this video of Jason Segel at The Wiltern. All the way through, please. Oh yeah, and that's his real phone number.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZF6Kx88LM
So, it's been a pretty good week. Wednesday night I worked at The Wiltern at a Josh Ritter/The Swell Season concert. Josh Ritter is an amazing folksy singer who I am kind of familiar with, but now I am in love with him. I was positioned in a spot outside of the actual theater part of the theater, and halfway through Josh Ritter's set, one of the managers came up to me and asked if I liked this band. I told her that I like both of the bands, and she went inside, pulled out the girl who was standing in the handicapped section, and switched us! So I totally just got to watch the concert from a really great spot. THANK YOU, MANAGER MARILYN! The Swell Season is the duo from the movie, Once, which I haven't seen, but their music was so pretty. There was an Irish violin solo and a Czech folk song and then...Jason Segel came out to perform an original song on the piano. I LOVE JASON SEGEL. The song was so funny, and I just about peed my pants when he came out. I stopped pretending I was working. I was clapping. Screaming. Jumping. I even sang along with The Swell Season when they taught us parts of their songs. I am a sap. And also, the only person who was working who liked the music. People kept saying, "really? you liked it?" And I would say, "YES IT WAS EPIC AND AMAZING AND LIFE-CHANGING." They stare at me blankly. I say, "Give me a break, I'm folksy." Folksy is what I am, boys and girls. Not a dirty hippie. Not a crazy vegan. Not someone with naturally wavy hair. Not some war-hating liberal. Oh no. Folksy.
On Thursday, I took an impromptu trip to San Luis Obisbo to go to the Librareunion, meaning, a trip to The Library, a downtown SLO dance club that my cousin and her friends frequent. I enjoy dancing in their window. I enjoy dancing in all windows. As I rushed through The Natural History Museum doing my geology lab during another class that I was skipping and getting hit on by some creepy gem-loving nerd and sitting in traffic and thinking about my checking account as I filled up my gas tank, I thought, "maybe this isn't such a good idea." And then, I thought, "FUCK IT, why not?!" Wooooooo spontaneous freedom liberation! It was a great night for me. Not so great for some other people who I may or may not have royally pissed off. Blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol. And the ambien. My recent "devil-may-care" attitude gets me into some trouble sometimes. This is ambiguous. I'm a bitchy, vague, ambiguous blogger. Oops.
Going to eat some food from Pure Luck and go see PIrate Radio with Jonathan in a bit. Watch this video of Jason Segel at The Wiltern. All the way through, please. Oh yeah, and that's his real phone number.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZF6Kx88LM
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
It may be 3am, but I'm feeling sentimental...
There are certain times, usually when I am postponing very necessary sleep, that I want to write warm and fuzzy things. Tonight (this morning?) is one of those times. Today's topic--Amy and Allie.
Amy and Allie Wilson are two of my best best friends. They have been studying abroad in Ghana since July and will be there until June. This is...unbearable. I miss them more than words can say, and when one of them calls me out of the blue, from Ghana, it makes my whole day. I feel incomplete without them, even though we are usually 7.5 hours away from each other, they are always a phone call away. Even though they have been gone for 4 months already, I still have to catch myself picking up the phone to call one of them. There are just so many things that I can tell only them; bits of gossip or things that I would be excited about and they would be excited about, but no one else would be. They are my other...thirds.
Amy and I got to know each other in Spanish 2 at Yuba City High School my junior year. We would do homework together and make little high school girl signs and gossip (she is the one who told me that my high school boyfriend cheated on me!). We formed a little group my senior year with Allie and Samantha Delello and got super close. We would always go to someone's house for lunch, and usually end up praying at the end of the period. We were such good girls. Today, we aren't such good girls (well, I'm not, anyway), but I couldn't live without her. Her smile makes everything okay, and I know that if I embarrass myself, she will always be there to do something even more embarrassing to make me feel okay. Come home soon, Amy Elizabeth __Son!
Allie was the first friend I made in Kindergarten, even though she doesn't remember it. She was sitting on the floor alone, playing with some blocks, and I introduced myself to her and asked if I could play. Then we sat and played with blocks. It's my first memory of Kindergarten and my first memory of Allie. She has been there for me ever since. She is the most loyal friend I have, and will defend her best friends as if they are her children. I can always count on her to be there for me whenever I need her, whether it's through a really tough break-up (where I can cry on her pillow-y bosom while she plays with my hair) or just when I need a laugh (all it takes is some Allie-style dancing). I miss you, baby meow meow. Please get a Hermione sandglass thing and be here, too!
I think I need to just move to Ghana.
I LOVE YOU, AMY AND ALLIE.
Amy and Allie Wilson are two of my best best friends. They have been studying abroad in Ghana since July and will be there until June. This is...unbearable. I miss them more than words can say, and when one of them calls me out of the blue, from Ghana, it makes my whole day. I feel incomplete without them, even though we are usually 7.5 hours away from each other, they are always a phone call away. Even though they have been gone for 4 months already, I still have to catch myself picking up the phone to call one of them. There are just so many things that I can tell only them; bits of gossip or things that I would be excited about and they would be excited about, but no one else would be. They are my other...thirds.
Amy and I got to know each other in Spanish 2 at Yuba City High School my junior year. We would do homework together and make little high school girl signs and gossip (she is the one who told me that my high school boyfriend cheated on me!). We formed a little group my senior year with Allie and Samantha Delello and got super close. We would always go to someone's house for lunch, and usually end up praying at the end of the period. We were such good girls. Today, we aren't such good girls (well, I'm not, anyway), but I couldn't live without her. Her smile makes everything okay, and I know that if I embarrass myself, she will always be there to do something even more embarrassing to make me feel okay. Come home soon, Amy Elizabeth __Son!
Allie was the first friend I made in Kindergarten, even though she doesn't remember it. She was sitting on the floor alone, playing with some blocks, and I introduced myself to her and asked if I could play. Then we sat and played with blocks. It's my first memory of Kindergarten and my first memory of Allie. She has been there for me ever since. She is the most loyal friend I have, and will defend her best friends as if they are her children. I can always count on her to be there for me whenever I need her, whether it's through a really tough break-up (where I can cry on her pillow-y bosom while she plays with my hair) or just when I need a laugh (all it takes is some Allie-style dancing). I miss you, baby meow meow. Please get a Hermione sandglass thing and be here, too!
I think I need to just move to Ghana.
I LOVE YOU, AMY AND ALLIE.
New Zealand
It's now been a year since I left New Zealand. I can't believe it has been that long! Those were the happiest consecutive 4.5 months of my life, and I wish I could get them back. Little things remind me of my time in NZ almost on a daily basis, just like little things remind you of ex-boyfriends who you spent a lot of time with. It's not like your heart is still broken or you're not over the person/place; it's just that, at some point, they were such a big part of your life, and it'll never be completely out of your mind.
I don't know exactly what was so magical about the place and the time and the people--everything just fell into sync. It was my first chance to really experience the single college life, complete with binge-drinking and promiscuity (sorry, Daddy). It was absolute freedom. I was as far away as I could be from home with a clean slate, people who didn't know me, and a beautiful, mystical land. It was everything I needed at that time. At the end of the trip, I got to fall madly head-over-heels in love in a tragic, wouldn't-work-out-anyway whirlwind romance. NZ was the total package. I hope I get that kind of thing back some day.
In the mean time, I have Marmite, Katchafire, and Flight of the Conchords to keep me company, as well as a plethora of NZ friends who are still in my life. I'm so glad I've stayed in contact with so many people; it was one of the things I was most worried about a year ago. I even saw/traveled with many of them on my road trip extravaganza in August! Thank goodness.
I don't know what would happen if I went back to New Zealand. I'd really love to move back eventually, probably to Wellington, but I'm a little afraid that I would be expecting too much out of it. What was easy and natural and social and youthful in 2008 might be lonely and lost and broke and stressed within the next couple of years.
Monday, November 16, 2009
The Need to Alter My Body
I need to chop off my hair, but I'm supposed to be growing it out, so I need to do something to my body! A piercing? A tattoo? A hair color change? Bangs?
I know a vegan wrist tattoo is coming, but only once I can afford it. And right now I'm thinking a lip piercing. And darker hair. Ahhhhh, what to do, what to do?! Some kind of change is coming....
I know a vegan wrist tattoo is coming, but only once I can afford it. And right now I'm thinking a lip piercing. And darker hair. Ahhhhh, what to do, what to do?! Some kind of change is coming....
Thursday, November 12, 2009
A Compassionate Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is a rough time of year for me. On the one hand, I'm really excited to be with my family and I love the feelings of nostalgia that accompany the holiday. I'm a sucker for binge-eating, carb-overloading, and parade-watching. I love that it jump-starts Christmas, my favorite holiday. I start listening to Christmas music the very next day. Fall is my favorite season, and I love the seasonal foods like squash and sweet potatoes and pumpkin. And spiced apple cider. And Silk Soy Nog. Ohhh heavenly Thanksgiving.
BUT: What's with all the turkey slaughter? Most people I know say that the turkey is the least favorite part of their Thanksgiving meal. So, what if you skipped out on "tradition" this year and save a life? Practice non-violence this Thanksgiving. Be thankful for all life. Be compassionate. You could even go a step further and "Adopt-a-Turkey" through Farm Sanctuary (www.farmsanctuary.org). It's a great program where you give $25 to sponsor a rescued turkey (http://www.adoptaturkey.org/aat/adopt/sponsor.html) who lives at the farm. Most of these turkeys come from really rough situations, and have been de-beaked without anesthesia and lived in horrendous conditions in factory farms. You'll even get a color photo of your very own sponsored turkey, with details about your new friend! Isn't that totally worth skipping the meat? I mean, really, who enjoys getting up early, pulling innards out of a turkey's butt, and slaving over a hot stove all day? And BASTING is a really nasty word. And it's a WHOLE TURKEY! Like, 20 pounds of meat! And it's expensive! I mean, aren't there a million reasons to just NOT eat turkey this Thanksgiving?
I am a little bit biased (not just because I'm a vegan). Turkeys are in my top 3 favorite type of farm animal. They are so quirky, the males are really flirty and do sexy little stomping dances when girls are around, no matter the species of girl. The females are very affectionate and chatty. Basically, I don't want you to eat my friends. Just carb overload instead, like me!
It's easy to veganize many of your usual side dishes by using soymilk instead of milk and Earth Balance instead of butter and vegetable broth instead of turkey juice! Try it, you'll loooooove it.
Here are some more things you can eat MORE of without all that flesh in your tummy:
Appetizers: http://www.adoptaturkey.org/aat/recipes/appetizers.html
http://sweetbeetandgreenbean.net/2008/10/24/dill-mushroom-soup/#more-355 (I made this soup for last year's vegan feast, and it was possibly the highlight of the entire meal.)
http://sweetbeetandgreenbean.net/2008/10/06/spicy-carrot-apple-and-ginger-soup/#more-246
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/recipe.php?RecipeID=252
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/recipe.php?RecipeID=30
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/recipe.php?RecipeID=212
Main Dishes: http://www.adoptaturkey.org/aat/recipes/mains.html
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/recipe.php?RecipeID=304
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/index.php?RecipeID=294
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/maple-grilled-tempeh-recipe.html
http://vegkitchen.com/recipes/vegetarian-thanksgiving.htm#2
Stuffings that aren't in the butt of a dead bird: http://vegkitchen.com/recipes/vegetarian-thanksgiving.htm#3
Side Dishes: http://www.adoptaturkey.org/aat/recipes/sides.html
http://sweetbeetandgreenbean.net/2009/01/14/savory-brussel-sprouts/#more-647
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/recipe.php?RecipeID=84
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/autumn-potato-salad-recipe.html
http://vegkitchen.com/recipes/vegetarian-thanksgiving.htm#4
Gravies and Dressings:http://www.adoptaturkey.org/aat/recipes/gravies.html
Desserts: http://www.adoptaturkey.org/aat/recipes/desserts.html
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/index.php?RecipeID=134
Vegan Pumpkin Cheesecake is SO GOOD!! Make sure you use Tofutti Cream Cheese: http://www.chooseveg.com/display_recipe.asp?recipe=220
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/index.php?RecipeID=235
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/index.php?RecipeID=312
http://vegkitchen.com/recipes/vegetarian-thanksgiving.htm#5
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I think I just realized...
That growing up means that having sex with someone is infinitely less scary and difficult than telling them you like them.
I'm not going to be very good at this.
I'm not going to be very good at this.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Study Break Blogathon
It is HELL WEEK! I had a German test today, which was fine. Tomorrow, I have a midterm for my geology class, aka "the class I never go to." So I am having to cram about 8 lectures worth of information by tomorrow at 11am. All the while I just keep thinking, "What the H is this for?" Oh yeah, it's a general ed class that I am taking pass/fail, so I DO know what it's for...it's for graduating. Plus, this means I have to be on Adderall 3 days in a row, which really hurts my head/body/mind/emotional well-being. Ughhhhhhhhhh
What a lame-o blog post. I need to think of something interesting and non-school related to write about. I mean, this is a study BREAK after all!
I really wish I could blog about boys on here, but this blog is totally public. If I was to just write about what was on my mind right now, it would be very scandalous.
I need a hot-button issue. Gay marriage? Abortion? Creationism vs. Evolution? Death Penalty? Man, they're all so old and tired. Let's sum it up: Gay marriage = Yay! Abortion = Ew sad no, but legal yes. Evolution all the way! No Death Penalty, y'all!
Okay, that didn't work.
Oh! I know what to do! When I don't have anything to talk about, but I'm really bored, I play a handy dandy game of "top 5" with whomever I'm with. If you have ever worked with me or been in the car with me for a long time, you'll know what I'm talking about.
TOP FIVE TIME (in no particular order)!!!!!!
Top 5 Books:
1. In Cold Blood
2. Middlesex
3. Beloved
4. On Beauty
5. Breakfast of Champions
Top 5 Cities:
1. Portland
2. Wellington
3. Vancouver
4. Barcelona
5. San Francisco
Top 5 Date Movies
1. When Harry Met Sally
2. Love Actually
3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
4. Knocked Up
5. Two for the Road
Top 5 Best TV Shows
1. Arrested Development
2. Sex and the City
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. Gilmore Girls
5. 30 Rock
Top 5 Scariest Movies
1. Paranormal Activity
2. The Blair Witch Project
3. The Ring
4. Rosemary's Baby
5. The Shining
Top 5 Celebrity Men to Make Babies With
1. Andy Samberg
2. Jemaine Clement
3. Trevor Moore
4. Demetri Martin
5. John Krasinski
(I want my babies to be smart, nerdy, funny, and kinda Jewish)
Top 5 Drunkest Events
1. Chateau Marmont, Summer 2006
2. Scrumpy Hands, New Zealand, Fall 2008
3. That other time in NZ where I don't remember anything after playing Sound of Music drinking games, New Zealand, Fall 2008
4. My 22nd birthday, September 26, 2009
5. Probably some other time in NZ or my freshman year of college, when I used to down bottles of wine like it was nothing. Ah, to be 18 again.
Top 5 Places I want to travel to where I've never been
1. Ireland
2. Germany
3. Costa Rica
4. The Netherlands
5. Kenya
Top 5.....wait a second, I need to study. What am I doing with my life!?!??!
What a lame-o blog post. I need to think of something interesting and non-school related to write about. I mean, this is a study BREAK after all!
I really wish I could blog about boys on here, but this blog is totally public. If I was to just write about what was on my mind right now, it would be very scandalous.
I need a hot-button issue. Gay marriage? Abortion? Creationism vs. Evolution? Death Penalty? Man, they're all so old and tired. Let's sum it up: Gay marriage = Yay! Abortion = Ew sad no, but legal yes. Evolution all the way! No Death Penalty, y'all!
Okay, that didn't work.
Oh! I know what to do! When I don't have anything to talk about, but I'm really bored, I play a handy dandy game of "top 5" with whomever I'm with. If you have ever worked with me or been in the car with me for a long time, you'll know what I'm talking about.
TOP FIVE TIME (in no particular order)!!!!!!
Top 5 Books:
1. In Cold Blood
2. Middlesex
3. Beloved
4. On Beauty
5. Breakfast of Champions
Top 5 Cities:
1. Portland
2. Wellington
3. Vancouver
4. Barcelona
5. San Francisco
Top 5 Date Movies
1. When Harry Met Sally
2. Love Actually
3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
4. Knocked Up
5. Two for the Road
Top 5 Best TV Shows
1. Arrested Development
2. Sex and the City
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. Gilmore Girls
5. 30 Rock
Top 5 Scariest Movies
1. Paranormal Activity
2. The Blair Witch Project
3. The Ring
4. Rosemary's Baby
5. The Shining
Top 5 Celebrity Men to Make Babies With
1. Andy Samberg
2. Jemaine Clement
3. Trevor Moore
4. Demetri Martin
5. John Krasinski
(I want my babies to be smart, nerdy, funny, and kinda Jewish)
Top 5 Drunkest Events
1. Chateau Marmont, Summer 2006
2. Scrumpy Hands, New Zealand, Fall 2008
3. That other time in NZ where I don't remember anything after playing Sound of Music drinking games, New Zealand, Fall 2008
4. My 22nd birthday, September 26, 2009
5. Probably some other time in NZ or my freshman year of college, when I used to down bottles of wine like it was nothing. Ah, to be 18 again.
Top 5 Places I want to travel to where I've never been
1. Ireland
2. Germany
3. Costa Rica
4. The Netherlands
5. Kenya
Top 5.....wait a second, I need to study. What am I doing with my life!?!??!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Birth Control + Quarrygirl + Miscellaneous
So, every time I watch something on Hulu.com (free tv streaming website) because I don't have cable, I have the choice of watching one long commercial at the beginning, or several short commercials throughout. I always choose the long commercial at the beginning because I was the kind of kid who ate the lame Halloween candy first. Thanks, Becky, for teaching my that discipline. So anyway, the commercial that plays is this 3 minute commercial for the Nuva Ring--that creepy ring you stick in your vadge that leeches out hormones and acts as birth control. How sexy is that? "Yeah baby, go ahead--oh wait, hold on, let me take this ring of hormones out of my vagina. Oh yeah, it lives there. You like it?" Okay, totally weird and gross. But anyway, in this commercial, there is a table of "real women" talking about why the Nuva Ring is so great. They are all talking about certain "real-life situations" where the pill caused them problems. You know, they dropped the pill on the subway and they had to take it because of their ten-minute window that they had to take their pill! And God forbid they skip a pill and just use condoms for 7 days! Okay ladies, I know condoms aren't preferable, but one fucking week?! Are you really having so much sex that you can't go a week with condoms? And if you are having that much sex, one week should be NOTHING amongst your sex-filled life! Guess what a condom is sexier than? A FUCKING NUVA RING, that's what!
Aside from that, did you know that you have a 12-hour window to take your pill before it is considered a "missed" pill? Does this woman really think that if she misses this ten-minute window, her ovaries are going to be like, "YES! Now is our chance! GO!" COME ON......come on!!! And how hard is it to remember to take a pill? Do you forget to brush your teeth? Do you need an alarm for that? Do you have to put a post-it on your bathroom mirror that says "Brush your teeth." If so, you are gross. I have been on the pill for about 3.5 years now, and I don't remember ever just "forgetting" to take it. Except for that one time that I needed to get pregnant so that my boyfriend wouldn't break up with me. Yes, I am implying that women don't "forget" to take their pill and get pregnant. Watch Glee, boys and girls. Bitches be crazy.
Okay, birth control rant over. I had THE BEST celebrity sighting this weekend. Was it Mika doing his sound check at last night's concert? No. Was it Perez Hilton and Katy Perry in his VIP section? No. Was it someone at tonight's awesome Weezer concert? No, sirs and ma'ams. It was Quarry Girl! http://www.quarrygirl.com My favorite vegan blogger! I knew it was her because of some super-strength stalking skills. It was so exciting!!!
I remember why I am single now. I don't like rejection.
Aside from that, did you know that you have a 12-hour window to take your pill before it is considered a "missed" pill? Does this woman really think that if she misses this ten-minute window, her ovaries are going to be like, "YES! Now is our chance! GO!" COME ON......come on!!! And how hard is it to remember to take a pill? Do you forget to brush your teeth? Do you need an alarm for that? Do you have to put a post-it on your bathroom mirror that says "Brush your teeth." If so, you are gross. I have been on the pill for about 3.5 years now, and I don't remember ever just "forgetting" to take it. Except for that one time that I needed to get pregnant so that my boyfriend wouldn't break up with me. Yes, I am implying that women don't "forget" to take their pill and get pregnant. Watch Glee, boys and girls. Bitches be crazy.
Okay, birth control rant over. I had THE BEST celebrity sighting this weekend. Was it Mika doing his sound check at last night's concert? No. Was it Perez Hilton and Katy Perry in his VIP section? No. Was it someone at tonight's awesome Weezer concert? No, sirs and ma'ams. It was Quarry Girl! http://www.quarrygirl.com My favorite vegan blogger! I knew it was her because of some super-strength stalking skills. It was so exciting!!!
I remember why I am single now. I don't like rejection.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Phony Baloney Leave Me Alone-y
I am taking a risk with this blog post because it is public and about someone specific. I am counting on the fact that this person does not read my blog. Ever.
How can you be close friends with someone who changes their personality once every couple of years? From dark to light, sad to happy, twisted to shiny. There is always one obsession--a person and/or a group/church/organization. And with no warning, the person you knew shifts into someone else completely. You wonder if you ever knew them at all. You wonder if they ever knew themselves at all. Like the parasite you so fear, you jump from host to host to get your jollies, the attention you seek, the love you need. But it is not love! No one can love someone who does not exist. Admiration, jealousy, fondness maybe. But to love someone else means knowing someone else.
How can you be close friends with someone who only calls when they need something? Never a "How are you doing?" Just blind boasting and random chattering. Abandoning all else for whatever holds your attention the most for the time being. Maybe different tomorrow.
I have always excused you. I have always been sympathetic. Who am I to know what a broken past feels like? What does a tainted childhood do to a person? But childhood is over and it's not so cute anymore. It's time to get help. It's time to wake up.
Is there something deep inside those many layers of bullshit where you KNOW that you aren't real? Do you know that everything you say and do and wear is just for the benefit of others? You are a hologram of a person. I have been trying for years to dig you out, but it is useless now. My pity is all used up.
I cannot hold my tongue when you say you are things that you are not. When you decide you are a different person. When you commit to something, only to do the opposite. When you try to be just like me, but represent everything I am in the worst ways.
I keep hearing, "But she needs you, she needs you." But what about me needing her? What's fair about that?
And so, you're gone. And nothing will ever be the same. You broke it. I guess it was spiraling down anyway. I can only hold my tongue for so long (and now, passive aggressively, I am blogging about it). I can't be there for a Christmas-celebrating Jew, a meat-eating vegetarian, a person who wakes up one morning and decides to be someone else. I can't have my best friend being someone who doesn't exist.
It's so sad.
How can you be close friends with someone who changes their personality once every couple of years? From dark to light, sad to happy, twisted to shiny. There is always one obsession--a person and/or a group/church/organization. And with no warning, the person you knew shifts into someone else completely. You wonder if you ever knew them at all. You wonder if they ever knew themselves at all. Like the parasite you so fear, you jump from host to host to get your jollies, the attention you seek, the love you need. But it is not love! No one can love someone who does not exist. Admiration, jealousy, fondness maybe. But to love someone else means knowing someone else.
How can you be close friends with someone who only calls when they need something? Never a "How are you doing?" Just blind boasting and random chattering. Abandoning all else for whatever holds your attention the most for the time being. Maybe different tomorrow.
I have always excused you. I have always been sympathetic. Who am I to know what a broken past feels like? What does a tainted childhood do to a person? But childhood is over and it's not so cute anymore. It's time to get help. It's time to wake up.
Is there something deep inside those many layers of bullshit where you KNOW that you aren't real? Do you know that everything you say and do and wear is just for the benefit of others? You are a hologram of a person. I have been trying for years to dig you out, but it is useless now. My pity is all used up.
I cannot hold my tongue when you say you are things that you are not. When you decide you are a different person. When you commit to something, only to do the opposite. When you try to be just like me, but represent everything I am in the worst ways.
I keep hearing, "But she needs you, she needs you." But what about me needing her? What's fair about that?
And so, you're gone. And nothing will ever be the same. You broke it. I guess it was spiraling down anyway. I can only hold my tongue for so long (and now, passive aggressively, I am blogging about it). I can't be there for a Christmas-celebrating Jew, a meat-eating vegetarian, a person who wakes up one morning and decides to be someone else. I can't have my best friend being someone who doesn't exist.
It's so sad.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Baby's First Rave + A Severe LA Allergy
So, last Friday night I worked at a RAVE at the Palladium. I've never been to a rave. It really blew because I was standing in front of a broken exit door for 8 hours until 3am. BUT--it was so cool!!! I want to go to raves now. Some guy offered me ecstasy. Another guy gave me a bracelet. Another guy taught me how to dance and gave me a raver name (Applebee). I got tons of cool glove-y finger-light shows (and let me tell you, you don't have to be high to think they are AWESOME). The music was cool, too! It was so hard not just abandoning work and joining in. And you know, there were a bunch of half-naked, horny, high, drunk teenagers and the place was packed to the brim, but I didn't see one fight break out! You know, aside for leaving holes in your brain, ecstasy might be the answer to all of humanity's problems.
Jonathan and I are miserable in LA. I guess I always have been. Even when I was "happy" and "in love" (note the quotes), I knew that LA wasn't for me. I've never been able to really connect with the people or the city. I never even want to leave the house because of the traffic. I feel lost and isolated and alone and like I am just counting down the days until I finally get out of this freaking dysfunctional relationship. I think things would have been different if I had not been such a stupid 17-20 year old and completely isolated myself in my relationship. I would have had a group of college friends and some nice college memories. I will always regret that decision. But, since I have yet to perfect a time machine (hopefully Balloon Boy's dad is working on it), I will just have to look forward. Every so often, I find a real, honest-to-God person in LA. It's very rare, but when it happens, I want to be around them all the time. That's why I'm always with Jonathan (also, we live together). I just wish it was easier. Like, I could just take a subway somewhere, meet someone for coffee spontaneously in ten minutes, and have some real connections with people. I feel like this is possible in other cities. Like New York (thank you metro system)! And Portland (thanks, clean buses)! I just feel so incredibly stuck and depressed and anxious. I wish I was an irrational person who could just drink or do drugs and at least have some fun in my sorrow. I know I sound incredibly negative, but there's not much for me here. There's nothing left. It's pretty bad when I am EXCITED to move back to Yuba City. I've tried to make the most of things from time to time, but at this point, I'm just trying to speed up these last couple of months as quickly as possible. Which means I should have no fear (but alas, I do).
I wonder if I'll miss LA or college. Right now, it seems really unlikely.
Jonathan and I are miserable in LA. I guess I always have been. Even when I was "happy" and "in love" (note the quotes), I knew that LA wasn't for me. I've never been able to really connect with the people or the city. I never even want to leave the house because of the traffic. I feel lost and isolated and alone and like I am just counting down the days until I finally get out of this freaking dysfunctional relationship. I think things would have been different if I had not been such a stupid 17-20 year old and completely isolated myself in my relationship. I would have had a group of college friends and some nice college memories. I will always regret that decision. But, since I have yet to perfect a time machine (hopefully Balloon Boy's dad is working on it), I will just have to look forward. Every so often, I find a real, honest-to-God person in LA. It's very rare, but when it happens, I want to be around them all the time. That's why I'm always with Jonathan (also, we live together). I just wish it was easier. Like, I could just take a subway somewhere, meet someone for coffee spontaneously in ten minutes, and have some real connections with people. I feel like this is possible in other cities. Like New York (thank you metro system)! And Portland (thanks, clean buses)! I just feel so incredibly stuck and depressed and anxious. I wish I was an irrational person who could just drink or do drugs and at least have some fun in my sorrow. I know I sound incredibly negative, but there's not much for me here. There's nothing left. It's pretty bad when I am EXCITED to move back to Yuba City. I've tried to make the most of things from time to time, but at this point, I'm just trying to speed up these last couple of months as quickly as possible. Which means I should have no fear (but alas, I do).
I wonder if I'll miss LA or college. Right now, it seems really unlikely.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Bob Dylan and Balloon Boy
1. Bob Dylan:
I was an usher at my second concert at The Palladium in Hollywood on Wednesday for Bob Dylan. I've always thought that I didn't like Bob Dylan. Even his classic songs that everyone likes annoy me. I don't understand it because I love folk and I consider myself a hippie, and everyone loves Bob Dylan, don't they? It's the same kind of feeling I have about Johnny Cash. I HAVE to like them, right? They are legends! Their lyrics: profound. Their voices: unique. So, I thought, maybe I'm wrong about Bob Dylan. Maybe I'll see him live and it will hit me--Bob Dylan = genius!
Alas, that did not happen. All I heard was a throaty old man singing boring old songs that should be played at some old hippie festival. Sorry, Bobby. I still like the fact that you looked like my dad when you were young (and he was young).
I was up in the VIP section with this 44-year-old rocker mom (her words, not mine). We talked the whole time and she was a lot of fun. I found out she has a Medical Marijuana License and I can place an order at any time. I've really been wanting to try weed for awhile now. I've smoked (and eaten) before, but it tends to go very very badly. I talked to her about it, and she said it sounds like I was just smoking too much. Since I never sleep and I have had some anxiety lately, I think I'm going to buy a $20 from her (sorry, Daddy). I think weed is probably safer than Ambien. Plus, I've been watching a lot of Weeds, which makes me want to try it. Like Bob Dylan, I feel like weed SHOULD fit into my lifestyle. I'll give it another go (just like Bobby!).
2. Balloon Boy:
Did you hear the one about the 6 year old boy who floated 10,000 feet into the air in a helium balloon contraption his father made? It's just like a Pixar movie! Except for the fact that when the balloon landed, the little boy was nowhere to be found. Where did he go? Did he go into another dimension? Was he rescued by a magical unicorn? Was his mangled body on the ground somewhere? Or was it ALL A DREAM!?
The story sounded fishy to me from the very beginning when I found out that the older brother told the parents that he saw his little brother crawl into the contraption. And then when I found out that their family was on Wife Swap. And that his dad was a "mad scientist." Something screamed CREEPY PUBLICITY STUNT at me. Lo, and behold, they found the little boy hiding in a box in an attic. Like a cat. During the interview, his dad asked him why he didn't come out and he said, "Well you said we were doing it for the show!" And then the mom farted. No, seriously. So, what did the little boy mean? The dad totally dodged it and changed the subject and rambled on and on like a liar. Was the whole thing a really serious and mean and super expensive hoax? 15 minutes of fame? It worked if it was! I smell a really great documentary coming from this story. A la "My Kid Could Paint That." Awesome.
Does it make me kind of sick that I was disappointed they found him in the house? Not like I wanted him mangled on the ground either, but I was hoping for a little more...magic!
I was an usher at my second concert at The Palladium in Hollywood on Wednesday for Bob Dylan. I've always thought that I didn't like Bob Dylan. Even his classic songs that everyone likes annoy me. I don't understand it because I love folk and I consider myself a hippie, and everyone loves Bob Dylan, don't they? It's the same kind of feeling I have about Johnny Cash. I HAVE to like them, right? They are legends! Their lyrics: profound. Their voices: unique. So, I thought, maybe I'm wrong about Bob Dylan. Maybe I'll see him live and it will hit me--Bob Dylan = genius!
Alas, that did not happen. All I heard was a throaty old man singing boring old songs that should be played at some old hippie festival. Sorry, Bobby. I still like the fact that you looked like my dad when you were young (and he was young).
I was up in the VIP section with this 44-year-old rocker mom (her words, not mine). We talked the whole time and she was a lot of fun. I found out she has a Medical Marijuana License and I can place an order at any time. I've really been wanting to try weed for awhile now. I've smoked (and eaten) before, but it tends to go very very badly. I talked to her about it, and she said it sounds like I was just smoking too much. Since I never sleep and I have had some anxiety lately, I think I'm going to buy a $20 from her (sorry, Daddy). I think weed is probably safer than Ambien. Plus, I've been watching a lot of Weeds, which makes me want to try it. Like Bob Dylan, I feel like weed SHOULD fit into my lifestyle. I'll give it another go (just like Bobby!).
2. Balloon Boy:
Did you hear the one about the 6 year old boy who floated 10,000 feet into the air in a helium balloon contraption his father made? It's just like a Pixar movie! Except for the fact that when the balloon landed, the little boy was nowhere to be found. Where did he go? Did he go into another dimension? Was he rescued by a magical unicorn? Was his mangled body on the ground somewhere? Or was it ALL A DREAM!?
The story sounded fishy to me from the very beginning when I found out that the older brother told the parents that he saw his little brother crawl into the contraption. And then when I found out that their family was on Wife Swap. And that his dad was a "mad scientist." Something screamed CREEPY PUBLICITY STUNT at me. Lo, and behold, they found the little boy hiding in a box in an attic. Like a cat. During the interview, his dad asked him why he didn't come out and he said, "Well you said we were doing it for the show!" And then the mom farted. No, seriously. So, what did the little boy mean? The dad totally dodged it and changed the subject and rambled on and on like a liar. Was the whole thing a really serious and mean and super expensive hoax? 15 minutes of fame? It worked if it was! I smell a really great documentary coming from this story. A la "My Kid Could Paint That." Awesome.
Does it make me kind of sick that I was disappointed they found him in the house? Not like I wanted him mangled on the ground either, but I was hoping for a little more...magic!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Hibernation
I realized that every day feels the same. I am literally counting down the days until I graduate. I sleep as much as possible to make these 60-something days go faster. So far, this is working.
Right now, I'm trying to take care of all the little things I need to do to graduate. Paid library fines today = $4.50. Finally picked up my parking permit. Training to obtain German Cinema syllabus from New Zealand, and petition to have my directed research retroactively count as 4 units.
I wonder if I'll ever feel nostalgia about my "college days." Sadly, I doubt it. I really haven't enjoyed myself all that much.
I found out today I can't direct Annie at The Acting Company (which I think is totally lame). I'm trying to think of another venue, without much luck. Or maybe I could do a smaller show that doesn't require much of a set or a large cast? I really need to do something creative when I am home, or else, I will die.
But, if I don't direct a show in the summer and if I don't have to take a class at Yuba College, I might not have to stay in Yuba City for as long! Maybe just until I save up enough money to feel comfortable moving.
I realize this blog must be very boring. I am writing about very boring things. But I can look back on it and think, "Oh, so lost I was at 22! How adorable." Or maybe, "I thought I had it bad THEN!" Hopefully the former.
I feel like doing something about my secret crush and not so secret crush. What, I am not sure. I probably won't do anything about either. Not much to do. I am a pussy extraordinaire.
Hey, please don't eat turkey this Thanksgiving. That would be really nice. I'll post a blog that is a plea later. I know how everyone loves my pleas (yeah right).
I haven't said I love you to anyone lately. Ummmmmm.....I LOVE YOU.
Right now, I'm trying to take care of all the little things I need to do to graduate. Paid library fines today = $4.50. Finally picked up my parking permit. Training to obtain German Cinema syllabus from New Zealand, and petition to have my directed research retroactively count as 4 units.
I wonder if I'll ever feel nostalgia about my "college days." Sadly, I doubt it. I really haven't enjoyed myself all that much.
I found out today I can't direct Annie at The Acting Company (which I think is totally lame). I'm trying to think of another venue, without much luck. Or maybe I could do a smaller show that doesn't require much of a set or a large cast? I really need to do something creative when I am home, or else, I will die.
But, if I don't direct a show in the summer and if I don't have to take a class at Yuba College, I might not have to stay in Yuba City for as long! Maybe just until I save up enough money to feel comfortable moving.
I realize this blog must be very boring. I am writing about very boring things. But I can look back on it and think, "Oh, so lost I was at 22! How adorable." Or maybe, "I thought I had it bad THEN!" Hopefully the former.
I feel like doing something about my secret crush and not so secret crush. What, I am not sure. I probably won't do anything about either. Not much to do. I am a pussy extraordinaire.
Hey, please don't eat turkey this Thanksgiving. That would be really nice. I'll post a blog that is a plea later. I know how everyone loves my pleas (yeah right).
I haven't said I love you to anyone lately. Ummmmmm.....I LOVE YOU.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Random 3am Thoughts
Why can't I sleep at normal hours like a normal person? I need ambien to pretend I'm a normal person.
My freshman year, I started papers the week before they were due. Sophomore year a couple days before. Junior year the day before. Senior year the morning of. Yikes. Good thing my grades don't matter.
So, now it looks like I might NOT have to take a class at Yuba College. And I might get to direct a show at The Acting Company. Things are looking up--sort of.
Only 37 more school days left in the year! Only 62 days until I graduate! WOOOOOO! After that I may never be in school ever ever again. Weird.
I'm so done with being single. Sadly, it looks like I will be until July of next year (when I get out of Yuba City) at the earliest.
Yuba-Sutter Craigslist is surprisingly active. I might be able to find a job after all!
I have such a hankering for a road trip. Every day is the same here. I am numb in LA.
What is the point of all this "we should hang out soon!" when both parties know very well that neither one of you will ever call.
I'm ushering a Bob Dylan show at the Hollywood Palladium on Wednesday. I wish I didn't hate Bob Dylan. It really seems like I should like him, right? I'm all hippie and folksy, but I just really can't stand him.
I really hope Yuba City has good dance classes. Hip hop a couple times a week is all I really have to look forward to right now.
I sound more depressed than I am. Really, I'm just bored.
Goodnight, kids.
My freshman year, I started papers the week before they were due. Sophomore year a couple days before. Junior year the day before. Senior year the morning of. Yikes. Good thing my grades don't matter.
So, now it looks like I might NOT have to take a class at Yuba College. And I might get to direct a show at The Acting Company. Things are looking up--sort of.
Only 37 more school days left in the year! Only 62 days until I graduate! WOOOOOO! After that I may never be in school ever ever again. Weird.
I'm so done with being single. Sadly, it looks like I will be until July of next year (when I get out of Yuba City) at the earliest.
Yuba-Sutter Craigslist is surprisingly active. I might be able to find a job after all!
I have such a hankering for a road trip. Every day is the same here. I am numb in LA.
What is the point of all this "we should hang out soon!" when both parties know very well that neither one of you will ever call.
I'm ushering a Bob Dylan show at the Hollywood Palladium on Wednesday. I wish I didn't hate Bob Dylan. It really seems like I should like him, right? I'm all hippie and folksy, but I just really can't stand him.
I really hope Yuba City has good dance classes. Hip hop a couple times a week is all I really have to look forward to right now.
I sound more depressed than I am. Really, I'm just bored.
Goodnight, kids.
Monday, October 12, 2009
So what are you going to DO?
That's a question I have been hearing a lot for the past 6 months or so. "Oh, you're graduating in December? Are you going to Grad School?" Me: "No." Them: "Oh, so do you have a job lined up?" Me: "No." Them: "So what are you going to DO?"
The answer is: I don't know. And I can admit that. And I can accept that. I think some people don't realize that you don't really know what you're going to DO until you are about to DO it. Mr. Lee, my high school Honors Chem teacher told his class that he read somewhere that the average person changes careers 7 times. Not jobs--careers. Seven times! Unless *Student/Hostess/Lame-o Secretarial Work* counts as my first career; I haven't begun! So, who knows. I know what my passion is: Animal Rights. I know that I am going to devote my life to bettering the lives of animals, be it through rescue, outreach, education, or politics. But who knows where I am going to end up and how I am going to do that? I can acknowledge the fact that I change my mind frequently. I love that about myself! Things never get boring and I can just go with the flow and feel the potential opportunities and possibilities in front of me.
Here is what I do know: I will be living in Yuba City, at home, from January through June. I have to take one more random humanities class at a community college before I have officially graduated. So, I'm going to be living at home, for free, working at Starbucks or wherever I can--saving up as much money as possible, and trying not to sink into deep depression. Fortunately, Taylor will be there, and Jonathan might be, too. Yuba City won't be so lame with them! I foresee 6 months of watching lots of On Demand TV, cooking quinoa, hanging out at Starbucks, maybe doing something retro-style Amy like doing a Yuba College play or joining choir or something, going to church, and hooking up with some old flame. That's my Yuba City style. After I have squeezed the life out of myself, living in Yuba City, I will move to Portland with the money I have saved up. I will have some hipster-y job at a vegan grocery store or bakery, or if I'm lucky, at an Animal Rights Org. Fortunately for me, Portland is super cheap. And there's no sales tax in Oregon! And they pump your gas for you! Heaven!
While I'm in Yuba City, I will get really really stir crazy, and end up taking lots of road trips I can't afford. I will want to go to San Luis Obisbo and San Francisco a lot to see my cousin and sister, respectively. I might make another trip up North to Portland (and Seattle and Vancouver if someone will come with me). I'll try to find a way to go to New York and visit the farm, but I'll end up giving up because it's too expensive and I won't be able to take that much time off of work. I'll make a lot of plans and do a lot of internet research for things that will never happen. I'll feel really motivated for awhile, possibly create some binders full of something, probably do WW and join a gym for about a month, and then fall of the wagon (when I score myself a bottle of Ambien).
Hey, at least I know what's going to happen! And as much as it hurts my pride to live at home after college, I'm kind of looking forward to it.
The answer is: I don't know. And I can admit that. And I can accept that. I think some people don't realize that you don't really know what you're going to DO until you are about to DO it. Mr. Lee, my high school Honors Chem teacher told his class that he read somewhere that the average person changes careers 7 times. Not jobs--careers. Seven times! Unless *Student/Hostess/Lame-o Secretarial Work* counts as my first career; I haven't begun! So, who knows. I know what my passion is: Animal Rights. I know that I am going to devote my life to bettering the lives of animals, be it through rescue, outreach, education, or politics. But who knows where I am going to end up and how I am going to do that? I can acknowledge the fact that I change my mind frequently. I love that about myself! Things never get boring and I can just go with the flow and feel the potential opportunities and possibilities in front of me.
Here is what I do know: I will be living in Yuba City, at home, from January through June. I have to take one more random humanities class at a community college before I have officially graduated. So, I'm going to be living at home, for free, working at Starbucks or wherever I can--saving up as much money as possible, and trying not to sink into deep depression. Fortunately, Taylor will be there, and Jonathan might be, too. Yuba City won't be so lame with them! I foresee 6 months of watching lots of On Demand TV, cooking quinoa, hanging out at Starbucks, maybe doing something retro-style Amy like doing a Yuba College play or joining choir or something, going to church, and hooking up with some old flame. That's my Yuba City style. After I have squeezed the life out of myself, living in Yuba City, I will move to Portland with the money I have saved up. I will have some hipster-y job at a vegan grocery store or bakery, or if I'm lucky, at an Animal Rights Org. Fortunately for me, Portland is super cheap. And there's no sales tax in Oregon! And they pump your gas for you! Heaven!
While I'm in Yuba City, I will get really really stir crazy, and end up taking lots of road trips I can't afford. I will want to go to San Luis Obisbo and San Francisco a lot to see my cousin and sister, respectively. I might make another trip up North to Portland (and Seattle and Vancouver if someone will come with me). I'll try to find a way to go to New York and visit the farm, but I'll end up giving up because it's too expensive and I won't be able to take that much time off of work. I'll make a lot of plans and do a lot of internet research for things that will never happen. I'll feel really motivated for awhile, possibly create some binders full of something, probably do WW and join a gym for about a month, and then fall of the wagon (when I score myself a bottle of Ambien).
Hey, at least I know what's going to happen! And as much as it hurts my pride to live at home after college, I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Being a Hypochondriac and Other Irritating Things About Me
For the last couple of days, I have had really bad anxiety. I've never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but it definitely goes along with my personality: ADHD, insomnia, general...caution. It was really bad when I was really little. I remember not being able to sleep and bursting into random tears at a REALLY young age because I was thinking about death, murder, armageddon, going to hell, getting kidnapped, etc. I really should have been in child therapy. You know how all of those animated kids' films always have a main character who has one or two dead parents? Yeah, that really freaked me out. Started my death phase. I think this was before kindergarten. I remember watching movies with my sister, leaving in the middle, and secretly laying in my parents' bed. When my mom would realize I was gone, she would come in to find out what I was doing and what was wrong, and then would come my baby anxiety attacks (BIG anxiety attacks, but you know, I was a baby). I thought my parents would die. Thanks, Disney. I remember having nightmares about ending up in hell...which was a giant red tube that led to nowhere--like the kind in McDonald's playgrounds. Thanks, McDonald's. (McDonald's = Hell? I was a pretty smart kid!) I would have these visions of ending up in hell, and I would just have nervous breakdowns--I remember having one in the den once and having to explain it to my dad. I wonder if they were worried? I am pretty sure those kinds of breakdowns aren't normal for a 4 year old.
When I was a little bit older, I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was hearing voices (which were just my thoughts...I guess I had just learned what schizophrenia was). I thought I would kill myself (guess I had just heard about suicide). I also thought I was gay (because that would be the WORST THING EVER. Got my big girl crushes mixed up with actually liking girls sometimes). Basically, anything I heard about, I thought that THAT was wrong with me. I had an obsession with pregnancy and childbirth. Sometimes if I had a stomachache, I thought I was pregnant. This could have been avoided had SOMEONE explained to me how one gets pregnant. Go...homeschooling.
Today, all of these farfetched crazy childhood things are gone. They have settled into general anxiety. The anxiety makes me hyperventilate a bit. I also have this funny tingly feeling on the right side of my head, which I am convinced is a brain tumor. No matter my sinuses are congested. No matter that it's worse when I am worried about it. No matter that my entire spine hurts and I need to see a chiropractor. No no, this is a brain tumor. Thanks, Grey's Anatomy.
My point is this: I've got a bit of the crazies. Should I get some Xanax? See a psychiatrist? It's usually not too bad, and I really avoid prescription drugs like the plague. Exercise and meditation help, but I don't know coping mechanisms for what to do when it hits and I am at school or driving or something. Oh yeah, and weed and alcohol exacerbate the problem. I can't even calm down from depressants! Nature's Xanax! My brain is chemically very very strange.
When I was a little bit older, I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was hearing voices (which were just my thoughts...I guess I had just learned what schizophrenia was). I thought I would kill myself (guess I had just heard about suicide). I also thought I was gay (because that would be the WORST THING EVER. Got my big girl crushes mixed up with actually liking girls sometimes). Basically, anything I heard about, I thought that THAT was wrong with me. I had an obsession with pregnancy and childbirth. Sometimes if I had a stomachache, I thought I was pregnant. This could have been avoided had SOMEONE explained to me how one gets pregnant. Go...homeschooling.
Today, all of these farfetched crazy childhood things are gone. They have settled into general anxiety. The anxiety makes me hyperventilate a bit. I also have this funny tingly feeling on the right side of my head, which I am convinced is a brain tumor. No matter my sinuses are congested. No matter that it's worse when I am worried about it. No matter that my entire spine hurts and I need to see a chiropractor. No no, this is a brain tumor. Thanks, Grey's Anatomy.
My point is this: I've got a bit of the crazies. Should I get some Xanax? See a psychiatrist? It's usually not too bad, and I really avoid prescription drugs like the plague. Exercise and meditation help, but I don't know coping mechanisms for what to do when it hits and I am at school or driving or something. Oh yeah, and weed and alcohol exacerbate the problem. I can't even calm down from depressants! Nature's Xanax! My brain is chemically very very strange.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Juice Fast: Day Two
I can't believe I've made it two days! I've never even made it through a whole day of any extreme fasting type thing. I think I've made it because juice is so delicious, and I'm feeling pretty good (read: not like I'm going to die). Today's juicing went well, aside from the fact that I almost completely depleted my produce purchase in 1.5 days of juicing. I went to Whole Foods to stock up on organic fruits and veggies and spent $40!!! I thought juicing would SAVE me money. Now I understand why juice is so expensive. When I run out of these veggies and fruits, the fast is officially over.
I'd really like to make it to a week! Today was better than yesterday. I had to cave and buy some Odwalla "B Monster" on campus, which wasn't ideal, but I was starving. There was no sugar-added, and Odwalla is as close to natural as you can get from a bottled juice.
Best juice of the day was definitely papaya/apple/grape. So thick and creamy and filling. Mmmm. Right now I'm drinking cabbage/tomato/spinach juice with a bit of salt, black pepper, and red pepper. It's like drinking a salad! It's a little gross/weird to drink a salad from a glass, but I'll get used to it.
I think I'm supposed to do something "colonicky" since I'm not getting any fiber. Yuck. I really don't want to.
Oooo today my pee was orange and then bright yellow! Prettttttty.
I think I am feeling a bit of the detox symptoms. Nothing major, but a bit of a scratchy/itchy throat, bad breath, "dirty-feeling" teeth, oily hair, and slight chills. BUT--today was the first day I didn't nap in a long long time. I feel very energetic and have a lot of mental clarity. I'm going to a very strenuous dance class tomorrow night, so we'll see how the physical energy and endurance is going!
I keep forgetting to drink enough water. Juice should not take the place of water, it should be in addition to water.
Okay, I need to finish this salad-y drink because it is separating and getting weirder and weirder every second.
I'd really like to make it to a week! Today was better than yesterday. I had to cave and buy some Odwalla "B Monster" on campus, which wasn't ideal, but I was starving. There was no sugar-added, and Odwalla is as close to natural as you can get from a bottled juice.
Best juice of the day was definitely papaya/apple/grape. So thick and creamy and filling. Mmmm. Right now I'm drinking cabbage/tomato/spinach juice with a bit of salt, black pepper, and red pepper. It's like drinking a salad! It's a little gross/weird to drink a salad from a glass, but I'll get used to it.
I think I'm supposed to do something "colonicky" since I'm not getting any fiber. Yuck. I really don't want to.
Oooo today my pee was orange and then bright yellow! Prettttttty.
I think I am feeling a bit of the detox symptoms. Nothing major, but a bit of a scratchy/itchy throat, bad breath, "dirty-feeling" teeth, oily hair, and slight chills. BUT--today was the first day I didn't nap in a long long time. I feel very energetic and have a lot of mental clarity. I'm going to a very strenuous dance class tomorrow night, so we'll see how the physical energy and endurance is going!
I keep forgetting to drink enough water. Juice should not take the place of water, it should be in addition to water.
Okay, I need to finish this salad-y drink because it is separating and getting weirder and weirder every second.
Juice Fast: Day One
So, after a very inspiring panel discussion event about organics, health, and the truth about the food industry and labels, I decided two things: 1. I'm never buying anything not organic again...hopefully. 2. I'm buying a juicer.
I went to Crate and Barrel and got a $100 juicer and bought a shitload of organic fruits and veggies. Today I began my juice fast. I'm doing the fast for several reasons: weight loss, detoxification, self-discipline, breaking bad habits, etc etc. I want to see if I feel any detoxifying effects, so I'll be doing it as long as I can take it. I'm thinking one week minimum. The first few days apparently are the hardest in terms of hunger/light-headedness. I need to make it to the "lots of energy and mental clarity" part.
So today: When I woke up I had apple-pear juice, which was sweet and delicious. I was fine for a couple of hours and then I got REALLY hungry. I came home from school, whipped up an apple-beet-carrot juice (which is my favorite combo) and felt much better. I went to donate blood for a vegan research study thing. Not a good idea to donate blood when you're on a juice fast. I got kind of woozy and they made me drink their crappy sugary orange pineapple "juice." I am tainted today, but hey, it was still juice...kinda. I can't remember what other juices I made. One had apple, spinach, beet, carrot, zucchini, and ginger. Another had cucumber, plums, lemon, and parsley (my "hippie" drink). I just finished a glass of ginger, beet, carrot, cucumber juice. I'm amazed at how delicious and easy juicing is. The juicer is easy to clean and the pulp just goes right down the garbage disposal.
Other than feeling very hungry today, and very tired/weak post blood-donation, I feel okay. I've never made it a whole day through a fast before, so this is already amazing. Oh yeah, and my pee is weird colors. Ooooo fruits and veggies and detox!!!
The only thing I'm really worried about is how expensive all this produce will be. I already only have one apple left and went through almost a whole bag of carrots today. Yikes.
I can't wait for crazy things to start happening to my body and mind!
I went to Crate and Barrel and got a $100 juicer and bought a shitload of organic fruits and veggies. Today I began my juice fast. I'm doing the fast for several reasons: weight loss, detoxification, self-discipline, breaking bad habits, etc etc. I want to see if I feel any detoxifying effects, so I'll be doing it as long as I can take it. I'm thinking one week minimum. The first few days apparently are the hardest in terms of hunger/light-headedness. I need to make it to the "lots of energy and mental clarity" part.
So today: When I woke up I had apple-pear juice, which was sweet and delicious. I was fine for a couple of hours and then I got REALLY hungry. I came home from school, whipped up an apple-beet-carrot juice (which is my favorite combo) and felt much better. I went to donate blood for a vegan research study thing. Not a good idea to donate blood when you're on a juice fast. I got kind of woozy and they made me drink their crappy sugary orange pineapple "juice." I am tainted today, but hey, it was still juice...kinda. I can't remember what other juices I made. One had apple, spinach, beet, carrot, zucchini, and ginger. Another had cucumber, plums, lemon, and parsley (my "hippie" drink). I just finished a glass of ginger, beet, carrot, cucumber juice. I'm amazed at how delicious and easy juicing is. The juicer is easy to clean and the pulp just goes right down the garbage disposal.
Other than feeling very hungry today, and very tired/weak post blood-donation, I feel okay. I've never made it a whole day through a fast before, so this is already amazing. Oh yeah, and my pee is weird colors. Ooooo fruits and veggies and detox!!!
The only thing I'm really worried about is how expensive all this produce will be. I already only have one apple left and went through almost a whole bag of carrots today. Yikes.
I can't wait for crazy things to start happening to my body and mind!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Ideas
So, I talked to my dad and sister today about WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE! The possibilities come December that are actually affordable are this:
1. Move to Portland, find a job. Portland is super cheap and my dad would help me out in the beginning.
2. Move back to Yuba City until May, work my ass up and save money, pray that I get the Farm Sanctuary seasonal tour guide position from May-October, and if so, move to New York, work on the farm, and save up. Then, come October, I would move to Portland. Or go to New Zealand maybe?
Those seem to be the only realistic options right now. Actually, number 2 is sounding pretty good. And by pretty good, I mean pretty bad because I would be in Yuba City for 4 months. BUT I could save some money (if I can find a job in YC).
What do you think?
1. Move to Portland, find a job. Portland is super cheap and my dad would help me out in the beginning.
2. Move back to Yuba City until May, work my ass up and save money, pray that I get the Farm Sanctuary seasonal tour guide position from May-October, and if so, move to New York, work on the farm, and save up. Then, come October, I would move to Portland. Or go to New Zealand maybe?
Those seem to be the only realistic options right now. Actually, number 2 is sounding pretty good. And by pretty good, I mean pretty bad because I would be in Yuba City for 4 months. BUT I could save some money (if I can find a job in YC).
What do you think?
What am I doing with my life?!
Today is officially October 5th. I graduate college in 70 days. Holy shit, 70 days! I have 70 days to figure out what the hell I'm doing after I graduate. I have to wait until after January 17th to make a big move because that is my sister's wedding date. I'm the Maid of Honor, so I need to be available to do Maid of Honor-y things, like get french manicures and give pep talks and repair tragically ripped dresses in 30 seconds and work on my poignant toast and trip on something and land face-first in the wedding cake. I think I've seen too many romantic comedies. Okay, so that's 103 days. That's a little better.
What in the eff should I do with my life? I know I want to continue my animal activism, and try to make a career out of it. But let's face it, in this economy (every blog post must have the phrase "in this economy") am I really going to be able to support myself with a career in the animal rights movement? People are getting laid off left and right, could I really expect a non-profit AR org. to hire new people? Probably not.
How does one go about finding a job in a new place? Do you pick a place you want to live, find and apartment, and then find a job? How does this whole "adulthood" thing work? Do you apply for jobs in several places you may want to live, and move to the place that offers you a job? How much in advance of being able to move should I start to do this? I need help. Please help.
If I get to pick a place I'd like to live, I choose: Portland, Wellington, Vancouver, NYC, San Francisco, Denver/Boulder, anywhere else in New Zealand. Almost in that order.
If I pick something I'd like to do first, it would be working at any Animal Rights Organization that I support, i.e. Farm Sanctuary, Compassion Over Killing, any farm animal sanctuary, Best Friends Animal Society. Not PETA. If I can't get a job at one of these places, it would be rad to work at a vegan establishment, like a restaurant or someplace like Herbivore (or any place at the vegan strip mall in Portland). Anything kind of green-y/non-profit-y/environmental-y/grass rootsy/hippie dippie would be great, too.
So, do I just Craigslist the shit out of these possibilities? Do I go work on organic farms in New Zealand and not make any money?
If you have a career, tell me how you got it post-college. What order did you do things in? What would you have done differently? How did you make enough money to support yourself?
22 is a scary, scary, scary age.
What in the eff should I do with my life? I know I want to continue my animal activism, and try to make a career out of it. But let's face it, in this economy (every blog post must have the phrase "in this economy") am I really going to be able to support myself with a career in the animal rights movement? People are getting laid off left and right, could I really expect a non-profit AR org. to hire new people? Probably not.
How does one go about finding a job in a new place? Do you pick a place you want to live, find and apartment, and then find a job? How does this whole "adulthood" thing work? Do you apply for jobs in several places you may want to live, and move to the place that offers you a job? How much in advance of being able to move should I start to do this? I need help. Please help.
If I get to pick a place I'd like to live, I choose: Portland, Wellington, Vancouver, NYC, San Francisco, Denver/Boulder, anywhere else in New Zealand. Almost in that order.
If I pick something I'd like to do first, it would be working at any Animal Rights Organization that I support, i.e. Farm Sanctuary, Compassion Over Killing, any farm animal sanctuary, Best Friends Animal Society. Not PETA. If I can't get a job at one of these places, it would be rad to work at a vegan establishment, like a restaurant or someplace like Herbivore (or any place at the vegan strip mall in Portland). Anything kind of green-y/non-profit-y/environmental-y/grass rootsy/hippie dippie would be great, too.
So, do I just Craigslist the shit out of these possibilities? Do I go work on organic farms in New Zealand and not make any money?
If you have a career, tell me how you got it post-college. What order did you do things in? What would you have done differently? How did you make enough money to support yourself?
22 is a scary, scary, scary age.
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