I was told today that complaining reduces stress. Probably because you're getting stuff off your chest. You're probably actually transferring your stress to the person you're complaining to. It's like...energy...there's a certain amount of it and you're just bouncing it around. Like, whoa.
I think complaining is fun. I like to rant, and I like listening to people rant (as long as they do it in a colorful way). So, here are some things to complain about. I'm not in a bad mood at all. I am actually feeling pretty positive. However, I feel complaining is healthyyyyyy! Here goes.
1. My sinuses. They are so stupid. They are like, "hey, we're allergic to Yuba City, so...sorry. We plan on being infected as long as you are here. Enjoy having green snot and feeling like your head is going to explode." Well, guess what, sinuses? Screw you! You've been my worst enemy since kindergarten and I hate you!!! Grow up!
2. Parents or pet owners who tell their babies/children/pets to "say" something. Example: I was watching Toddlers and Tiaras (shut up, I'm bored!) and there was this really obnoxious stage mom who was taking her daughter to get an airbrush tan...already a lot of things wrong with the picture, actually... Anywho, the little girl's name was Angelle (also a problem) and after the tanning lady said "hi" to the two of them, the mom said, "Say, 'Hi, I'm Angelle!'" Except she said it in this baby voice. Like, "Angewwe." Ewwwwwww. Or like, when you walk into someone's house and their dog is barking and you and their owner says, "He says, 'Who are you?!'" Don't speak for you babies/children/animals, please. It's annoying.
3. Segue alert! Dogs sniff people when they meet them. You know...it's what they do. They're dogs. People know this. Why, then, do 99% of people who are meeting a dog who is sniffing them say, "Oh, I bet you smell my dogs, huh! Oh, do you smell my kitties? Oh, do I smell like the pot roast I was just cooking?" Yes, the dog smells all of these things. But he/she will sniff you regardless. ARGH!
4. Using accents for no reason at all. Especially if it's a bad, unidentified accent. We get it--you like Monty Python or Shakespeare or Jane Austen. But you aren't Britalianish. Soooooooo stop.
5. People who can't stay on their parts in a multi-part song. I realize not everyone can be godlike in the reading music department. I take that skill for granted (I'm not a prodigy, y'all, I just learned to read music when I was 4). But I can't count how many times I have to sing an alto part because it's too hard for the numbnuts who keep jumping up to the soprano line. I'm a soprano! A high, Snow White, young Joni Mitchell, dolphin soprano! I am the furthest thing from an alto! Don't make me switch with you cause you can't sing a third lower than me! Learn your part, yo! Ughhhhhh.
6. Recapping after a make out sesh/hookup with the person you made out with/hooked up with. Ummmm...we were both there, do we really need to turn this into awkward city by referencing things that happened that night? Just suck the sexy right out of it, why dontcha. Here's a thought: Stop talking about it and just DO it.
7. Endless hip hop songs about A. Making lots of money; B. Having to fight against everything to make forementioned money; C. People not believing in you during that journey to the top. Booooooooo hoooooooooooo. Sing more about sluts dancing in clubs!! And not being disrespectful! And fires burning on dance floors!
8. Defriending/blocking people on facebook to prove a point. I seem to recall things like that happeninng via Yahoo Messenger circa 1998. Most people I know are 20 or older. I'm pretty sure that expressing yourself with words, rather than passive aggressive facebook actions, should be expected of your adult self.
9. LOL! This implies that you are just sitting at your computer, DYING of laughter. Like, tears streaming down your face, belly laugh, ab-wrenching laughter. After you write a mildly (putting it nicely) comment on someone's status or picture, are you really LOL!!!!!!ing? REALLY?! REALLY?!?!?!??!
10. Really dull people whose most sophisticated use of humor is sarcasm who think that people who don't laugh at their terrible jokes don't "get" them. We get them. They just aren't funny. You aren't funny. Sarcasm generally isn't funny. Watch some 30 Rock or Demetri Martin or Arrested Development and get back to me on "funny."
Bitching session--OVER! Man, do I feel good. LOL!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
My Year in Movies
It's that time of year again! You know, that time where I come up with a list of all the movies I have seen that were Oscar elligible for the 2010 awards show. I then separate them, review them, and bastardize them with pretentious film talk, which could only have been learned in the presence of a bunch of smart, nerdy USC film school Jewish boys. My father should be proud.
Movie of the Year: Inglourious Basterds!!!!! I want to watch it every day. I loved everything about it. I was simultaneously angry, laughing, and totally invested in the film. Such beautiful cinematography...such a tight screenplay...perfectly cast and acted. Oh, and P.S. I'm a lesbian for Shoshanna. And please call me "Bear Jew" from now on.
Movies I loved:
500 Days of Summer: This movie is so special to me. It seems to speak to me (and every other member of my generation who has ever been in love or heartbroken, or presumably, both). I am sad to say that I am a total Tom. Anyway, this movie was made for me...with references to The Graduate, a random song and dance break, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (one of my biggest celeb crushes), Zooey's unparalleled indie style, and an Amy-specific soundtrack, this movie is nearly perfect in my eyes. NEARLY. There are a couple things I hate about it, but let's try to stay positive, shall we?
An Education: Again, I really identify with this movie. Especially the notion of getting into an adult relationship as a young girl and being "educated" and "cultured" by this man. Been there, done that...minus the trip to Paris. Damnit, I was gypped! The opening credits are great. I know that sounds really trivial, but it's true. Carey Mulligan is a star, and I hope she pops up in every movie I ever see. You know, like Kristin Wiig. Also, it's a great excuse to demand to be called "Minnie" and call people "Bubble-Up" while they break in your virgin vagina with a banana.
The Hangover: The first time I saw this, it was the funniest movie I had ever seen. The second time I saw it, I was drunk and in the middle of a dramatic romantic crisis. I need to give it a third time to see how that turns out, but I will never forget the sheer exhaustion I felt from laughing hysterically during this movie. The stress level makes all the comedy so much funnier. It's like a Comedy Thriller. Is that a genre? It is now. Props to Zack Galifianakis (I'm too lazy to double check that spelling) for being the funniest person in the world.
Pirate Radio: Why didn't this movie get nominated for anything? Why doesn't anyone talk about this movie? It was one of the warmest and fuzziest nights of my life! I fucking loved it! It was like taking Love Actually and putting it on a pirated radio boat in the 60s in Britain with a bunch of pervy dudes! And a great soundtrack! And Philip Seymour Hoffman! And a gorgeous little twink whose name I don't know, but I sure know his lips. If you are in a bad mood, watch this movie. It's so nice.
Food, Inc.: One of the most important documentaries I've seen. I wish a pro-vegan documentary could take off like this one. Some day. But for now, the slow food movement and awareness about how friggin' creepy our food industry is will have to be good enough. Also, this is just a really great example of how I love my documentaries: divided into clear segments with stories told through interesting characters, and lots of research. Way to go, guys!
Movies I Really Liked
The Cove: A very important story to tell, and very very brave people to tell it. My heroes. I thought it could have been set up a little better, though. I got a little lost and bored at times.
17 Again: YEAH, I SAID IT. This movie was cute. It was touching. It was pretty good. Like, even well-written and funny. And YES, I may just love looking at Zac Efron, but trust me on this one! It was well-worth watching!
Paranormal Activity: Oh JEEEEEEEEEBUS, I was scared. It helps that I saw this with Jonathan on a Saturday night in the Cinerama Dome at the Arclight. Really great energy there. Hid behind my jacket. Simultaneous hysterical laughter and screaming. The. Best. It was so natural! And so suspenseful! Man, it was great.
Funny People: A lot of people didn't like this movie cause it wasn't constant-haha's like most Judd Apatow movies. That's probably why I liked it so much. It felt very real and honest. Adam Sandler was great. I was really invested in the characters and the plot. Good job, Judd, for the umpteenth time.
A Serious Man: WOOOOOO JEWS! Finally, the Coen Brothers didn't bug the hell outta me. Probably cause of the Jews.
Movies I Liked:
Up: I loved it the first time, but nearly fell asleep the second time. Granted, it was right after Thanksgiving dinner. But, would I have nearly fallen asleep during the second viewing of Monsters, Inc. or Toy Story? No. But this movie was really a DELIGHT.
Up In the Air: Sexy, smooth, and tight. No, I'm not talking about George Clooney's asshole. I'm talking about the screenplay. And the movie as a whole. Hole. Okay, also, I'm talking about Clooney's asshole. You got me.
District 9: Innovative. Cutting-edge. Hard to watch. Worth watching. As I keep writing, I realize that I don't really want to write complete. Sentences. Anymore.
Every Little Step: As a gay man and theater lover, how could I not like Every Little Step? It's a documentary about the casting of the revival of A Chorus Line. That being said, it could have been structured better. I'm a documentary snob. And this had a lot of potential that I don't think it lived up to.
The Time Traveler's Wife: I cried twice. Shut up! So did everyone else in the theater. It was nice to see that a mediocre book with bad writing and a great story and many plotholes was adapted for the screen in a more cohesive way. It was surprising. Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana are nice to look at. Especially when he is naked and she is a child. WHAAAAAA? Go watch it.
I Love You, Man: Cute enough to watch, but just barely. The awkward bro-speak got old real fast. Paul Rudd is better in supporting, hilarious roles. I want to bang them both.
The Hurt Locker: Best picture winner? I think not. It's important and sandy and makes me thirsty and hot even though I am sitting on my couch with a blanket and a tall glass of water. It's directed by a woman. Lots of impressive explosions and poignant, convincing acting. It's hard to care about war movies when you are super against the war.
Movies I Don't Care About:
Julie and Julia: Lots of loud eating. Julie is a bitch and Julia is kinda creepy. Yes, I understand Meryl Streep is a goddess and should win an award for every shitty move she does. No one is arguing with that. Honestly, I loved Stanley Tucci more than anything else in this movie. What a creepy little metro.
Movies I Don't Like:
Zombieland. Jesse Eisenwhositwhatsit can suck it. YOU'RE NOT MICHAEL CERA AND YOU NEVER WILL BE. You're just a real-life geek who isn't as hilarious and adorable as Michael Cera! DEAL WITH IT! I liked the Bill Murray part, but the rest of it was just underwhelming and disappointing. I felt irritated with how cute and creative it thought it was being. Yay to Woody Harrelson for making them make him vegan twinkies. Boo for lines that point out how irritating frequent facebook statuses are. And "I haven't cried this hard since Titanic." Hello, comedy writers, these are FIRST DRAFT jokes. I could have come up with funnier stuff when I was 12. Fuck you.
He's Just Not That Into You: And I'm just not that into this movie. I read the book, I'll admit it. I really needed it at the time. Shut up, I was 17. And someone loaned it to me. I didn't buy it! This movie blows. It completely contradicts its whole message at the end. And everyone is an asshole.
Harry Potter and the Half-Assed Prince: Wait, is that not the title?
Movies I HATE:
Watchmen: I tried to nap during this movie. So lost. So bored. So angry at how lost and bored I was. "Oh you really need to read the graphic novel first blah blah blah." I HEAR YOU, NERDY BOYS OF THE WORLD. I hear you! But guess what? A movie should be able to be held up in its own medium, without needed to read the book first!
Paper Heart: Charlyne Yi is number one on my hitlist. You are not cute and quirky. You are autistic. Which would be fine...if you weren't writing and starring in fake documentaries! Convincing stupid people that it is an actual documentary and that you and Michael Cera are an actual couple! Making me hate a movie that Michael Cera is in! How dare you! I saw you walking around Koreatown one time (and yes, it was really her, I'm not just racist). I should have hit you with my car. You fill me with the type of anger only comparable to the rage I feel when listening to The Moldy Peaches.
The Invention of Lying: Oh, Ricky Gervais! He's funny! Oh, Jennifer Garner! She's cute! What a cute little plot. It'll probably be kinda like Ghost Town! WRONG. WRONG. I hated this. HATED IT.
And there we have it. A year in short movie reviews. More to come as I keep adding to the list. Look forward to rude reviews of Precious.
Movie of the Year: Inglourious Basterds!!!!! I want to watch it every day. I loved everything about it. I was simultaneously angry, laughing, and totally invested in the film. Such beautiful cinematography...such a tight screenplay...perfectly cast and acted. Oh, and P.S. I'm a lesbian for Shoshanna. And please call me "Bear Jew" from now on.
Movies I loved:
500 Days of Summer: This movie is so special to me. It seems to speak to me (and every other member of my generation who has ever been in love or heartbroken, or presumably, both). I am sad to say that I am a total Tom. Anyway, this movie was made for me...with references to The Graduate, a random song and dance break, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (one of my biggest celeb crushes), Zooey's unparalleled indie style, and an Amy-specific soundtrack, this movie is nearly perfect in my eyes. NEARLY. There are a couple things I hate about it, but let's try to stay positive, shall we?
An Education: Again, I really identify with this movie. Especially the notion of getting into an adult relationship as a young girl and being "educated" and "cultured" by this man. Been there, done that...minus the trip to Paris. Damnit, I was gypped! The opening credits are great. I know that sounds really trivial, but it's true. Carey Mulligan is a star, and I hope she pops up in every movie I ever see. You know, like Kristin Wiig. Also, it's a great excuse to demand to be called "Minnie" and call people "Bubble-Up" while they break in your virgin vagina with a banana.
The Hangover: The first time I saw this, it was the funniest movie I had ever seen. The second time I saw it, I was drunk and in the middle of a dramatic romantic crisis. I need to give it a third time to see how that turns out, but I will never forget the sheer exhaustion I felt from laughing hysterically during this movie. The stress level makes all the comedy so much funnier. It's like a Comedy Thriller. Is that a genre? It is now. Props to Zack Galifianakis (I'm too lazy to double check that spelling) for being the funniest person in the world.
Pirate Radio: Why didn't this movie get nominated for anything? Why doesn't anyone talk about this movie? It was one of the warmest and fuzziest nights of my life! I fucking loved it! It was like taking Love Actually and putting it on a pirated radio boat in the 60s in Britain with a bunch of pervy dudes! And a great soundtrack! And Philip Seymour Hoffman! And a gorgeous little twink whose name I don't know, but I sure know his lips. If you are in a bad mood, watch this movie. It's so nice.
Food, Inc.: One of the most important documentaries I've seen. I wish a pro-vegan documentary could take off like this one. Some day. But for now, the slow food movement and awareness about how friggin' creepy our food industry is will have to be good enough. Also, this is just a really great example of how I love my documentaries: divided into clear segments with stories told through interesting characters, and lots of research. Way to go, guys!
Movies I Really Liked
The Cove: A very important story to tell, and very very brave people to tell it. My heroes. I thought it could have been set up a little better, though. I got a little lost and bored at times.
17 Again: YEAH, I SAID IT. This movie was cute. It was touching. It was pretty good. Like, even well-written and funny. And YES, I may just love looking at Zac Efron, but trust me on this one! It was well-worth watching!
Paranormal Activity: Oh JEEEEEEEEEBUS, I was scared. It helps that I saw this with Jonathan on a Saturday night in the Cinerama Dome at the Arclight. Really great energy there. Hid behind my jacket. Simultaneous hysterical laughter and screaming. The. Best. It was so natural! And so suspenseful! Man, it was great.
Funny People: A lot of people didn't like this movie cause it wasn't constant-haha's like most Judd Apatow movies. That's probably why I liked it so much. It felt very real and honest. Adam Sandler was great. I was really invested in the characters and the plot. Good job, Judd, for the umpteenth time.
A Serious Man: WOOOOOO JEWS! Finally, the Coen Brothers didn't bug the hell outta me. Probably cause of the Jews.
Movies I Liked:
Up: I loved it the first time, but nearly fell asleep the second time. Granted, it was right after Thanksgiving dinner. But, would I have nearly fallen asleep during the second viewing of Monsters, Inc. or Toy Story? No. But this movie was really a DELIGHT.
Up In the Air: Sexy, smooth, and tight. No, I'm not talking about George Clooney's asshole. I'm talking about the screenplay. And the movie as a whole. Hole. Okay, also, I'm talking about Clooney's asshole. You got me.
District 9: Innovative. Cutting-edge. Hard to watch. Worth watching. As I keep writing, I realize that I don't really want to write complete. Sentences. Anymore.
Every Little Step: As a gay man and theater lover, how could I not like Every Little Step? It's a documentary about the casting of the revival of A Chorus Line. That being said, it could have been structured better. I'm a documentary snob. And this had a lot of potential that I don't think it lived up to.
The Time Traveler's Wife: I cried twice. Shut up! So did everyone else in the theater. It was nice to see that a mediocre book with bad writing and a great story and many plotholes was adapted for the screen in a more cohesive way. It was surprising. Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana are nice to look at. Especially when he is naked and she is a child. WHAAAAAA? Go watch it.
I Love You, Man: Cute enough to watch, but just barely. The awkward bro-speak got old real fast. Paul Rudd is better in supporting, hilarious roles. I want to bang them both.
The Hurt Locker: Best picture winner? I think not. It's important and sandy and makes me thirsty and hot even though I am sitting on my couch with a blanket and a tall glass of water. It's directed by a woman. Lots of impressive explosions and poignant, convincing acting. It's hard to care about war movies when you are super against the war.
Movies I Don't Care About:
Julie and Julia: Lots of loud eating. Julie is a bitch and Julia is kinda creepy. Yes, I understand Meryl Streep is a goddess and should win an award for every shitty move she does. No one is arguing with that. Honestly, I loved Stanley Tucci more than anything else in this movie. What a creepy little metro.
Movies I Don't Like:
Zombieland. Jesse Eisenwhositwhatsit can suck it. YOU'RE NOT MICHAEL CERA AND YOU NEVER WILL BE. You're just a real-life geek who isn't as hilarious and adorable as Michael Cera! DEAL WITH IT! I liked the Bill Murray part, but the rest of it was just underwhelming and disappointing. I felt irritated with how cute and creative it thought it was being. Yay to Woody Harrelson for making them make him vegan twinkies. Boo for lines that point out how irritating frequent facebook statuses are. And "I haven't cried this hard since Titanic." Hello, comedy writers, these are FIRST DRAFT jokes. I could have come up with funnier stuff when I was 12. Fuck you.
He's Just Not That Into You: And I'm just not that into this movie. I read the book, I'll admit it. I really needed it at the time. Shut up, I was 17. And someone loaned it to me. I didn't buy it! This movie blows. It completely contradicts its whole message at the end. And everyone is an asshole.
Harry Potter and the Half-Assed Prince: Wait, is that not the title?
Movies I HATE:
Watchmen: I tried to nap during this movie. So lost. So bored. So angry at how lost and bored I was. "Oh you really need to read the graphic novel first blah blah blah." I HEAR YOU, NERDY BOYS OF THE WORLD. I hear you! But guess what? A movie should be able to be held up in its own medium, without needed to read the book first!
Paper Heart: Charlyne Yi is number one on my hitlist. You are not cute and quirky. You are autistic. Which would be fine...if you weren't writing and starring in fake documentaries! Convincing stupid people that it is an actual documentary and that you and Michael Cera are an actual couple! Making me hate a movie that Michael Cera is in! How dare you! I saw you walking around Koreatown one time (and yes, it was really her, I'm not just racist). I should have hit you with my car. You fill me with the type of anger only comparable to the rage I feel when listening to The Moldy Peaches.
The Invention of Lying: Oh, Ricky Gervais! He's funny! Oh, Jennifer Garner! She's cute! What a cute little plot. It'll probably be kinda like Ghost Town! WRONG. WRONG. I hated this. HATED IT.
And there we have it. A year in short movie reviews. More to come as I keep adding to the list. Look forward to rude reviews of Precious.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
The Big Move
Okay, here's what I'm doing. I'm moving to San Luis Obispo on April 5th (if all goes as planned). I found a room in a really cute, albeit Willa-Wonkafied house, with two friends--my German woman lover, Bianca, and her husband, Jesse.
As soon as I get there, I'm going to try my damndest to find a full-time job (or two part-time jobs). My dad will be supporting me for a bit until I get on my feet, but it's "my job to find a job." And I desperately want to be self-sufficient.
I'll also be studying for and taking my CBEST (reading, math, and English SAT-like test to get my teaching credential) and 4 English CSET tests (which scare the shit outta me). I visited Cal Poly when I was in SLO this past week and talked to a couple of the people I needed to talk to, who laid out the whole program and everything I needed to do before I could enter the teaching program. There's a lot. There's a health education course online I have to take, a US Constitution test at Cal Poly that I have to test out of, a technology course and two english classes that I have to take as prerequisites during the fall, 45 hours of early field experience in a classroom (or tutoring), and of course, the whole application process of recommendation letters, an interview, a few short essays, my transcript, and my passed tests. Plus CPR training and live scan. All that set-up stuff is expensive and stressful, and I can't wait to check them off my list one by one. At least I have until the winter quarter to have all that stuff figured out. This is one of the reasons I want to move there now--so I can find a job and get settled in before the school stuff starts. I realize this is a really boring paragraph, but a few people have asked for details, so...here they are!
Now for a more interesting paragraph:
I love SLO. My family has lived in the area since I was a kid, and I always loved going, but I never really realized what a great, beautiful, well-rounded city it is. There's ocean (the rocky, epic kind), mountains (the green rolling kind), lots of wild brush and wildlife. It's got the college town thing going for it, which means cool coffee shops, clubs, pubs, restaurants, and things like Thursday night Farmer's Markets Downtown. It also has a hippie-like, health food store, yoga-loving sector. My friend Rocky teaches yoga, and is the only teacher I've ever had who made me really enjoy the yoga experience. He is fantastic and I can't wait to get a membership at his studio and take from him all the time. Anyway, it's not just hippies and college bros and hoes. There are a lot of families there, and actually, a pretty large churchy, right-wing kind of demographic. So, it's an eclectic population in SLO and beyond.
All of this and more make me feel like SLO is the place for me to be right now. Kiyoko, one of my best friends, has been so welcoming to me, and visiting with her has really made me want to be around her lots! Her friends are amazing, and are becoming my friends, too! It will be great to be around some positive, like-minded people. I really need that right now.
I really hope everything smooths over with my family, but I don't feel like there is much I can do about that right now.
Oh, and I get to bring Shelby! Woooooo!
Anywho, I can't wait for new friends and old friends and window dancing and gin water and teaching credentials and new job(s) and yoga and vegetable gardens and Farmers Markets and vegan feasting and trying to learn to be outdoorsy, since it's such a beautiful place. I finally have something to look forward to, and I couldn't be happier! Nevermind the nervous energy that keeps me from sleeping and makes me want to make a thousand to-do lists...I can't wait!
As soon as I get there, I'm going to try my damndest to find a full-time job (or two part-time jobs). My dad will be supporting me for a bit until I get on my feet, but it's "my job to find a job." And I desperately want to be self-sufficient.
I'll also be studying for and taking my CBEST (reading, math, and English SAT-like test to get my teaching credential) and 4 English CSET tests (which scare the shit outta me). I visited Cal Poly when I was in SLO this past week and talked to a couple of the people I needed to talk to, who laid out the whole program and everything I needed to do before I could enter the teaching program. There's a lot. There's a health education course online I have to take, a US Constitution test at Cal Poly that I have to test out of, a technology course and two english classes that I have to take as prerequisites during the fall, 45 hours of early field experience in a classroom (or tutoring), and of course, the whole application process of recommendation letters, an interview, a few short essays, my transcript, and my passed tests. Plus CPR training and live scan. All that set-up stuff is expensive and stressful, and I can't wait to check them off my list one by one. At least I have until the winter quarter to have all that stuff figured out. This is one of the reasons I want to move there now--so I can find a job and get settled in before the school stuff starts. I realize this is a really boring paragraph, but a few people have asked for details, so...here they are!
Now for a more interesting paragraph:
I love SLO. My family has lived in the area since I was a kid, and I always loved going, but I never really realized what a great, beautiful, well-rounded city it is. There's ocean (the rocky, epic kind), mountains (the green rolling kind), lots of wild brush and wildlife. It's got the college town thing going for it, which means cool coffee shops, clubs, pubs, restaurants, and things like Thursday night Farmer's Markets Downtown. It also has a hippie-like, health food store, yoga-loving sector. My friend Rocky teaches yoga, and is the only teacher I've ever had who made me really enjoy the yoga experience. He is fantastic and I can't wait to get a membership at his studio and take from him all the time. Anyway, it's not just hippies and college bros and hoes. There are a lot of families there, and actually, a pretty large churchy, right-wing kind of demographic. So, it's an eclectic population in SLO and beyond.
All of this and more make me feel like SLO is the place for me to be right now. Kiyoko, one of my best friends, has been so welcoming to me, and visiting with her has really made me want to be around her lots! Her friends are amazing, and are becoming my friends, too! It will be great to be around some positive, like-minded people. I really need that right now.
I really hope everything smooths over with my family, but I don't feel like there is much I can do about that right now.
Oh, and I get to bring Shelby! Woooooo!
Anywho, I can't wait for new friends and old friends and window dancing and gin water and teaching credentials and new job(s) and yoga and vegetable gardens and Farmers Markets and vegan feasting and trying to learn to be outdoorsy, since it's such a beautiful place. I finally have something to look forward to, and I couldn't be happier! Nevermind the nervous energy that keeps me from sleeping and makes me want to make a thousand to-do lists...I can't wait!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Black Sheep
Bahhhhhhh. I feel so misunderstood. Especially by my family, immediate and extended. I have an amazing core group of friends (Jonathan, Amy, Allie, Lizz, and Kiyoko) who I feel really get who I am, and why I do the things I do. My family, I do believe, has pigeon-holed me as a person who is baby-ish, self-absorbed, irresponsible, immature, whimsical, lazy, impulsive, hot-headed, and selfish. It is hard to not fulfill expectations. It is hard to live up to certain standards. I am very different from all of them, and it is...hard.
I generally like the person I am, but it's hard to like myself when others, who are related, who are forced to love me by laws of blood, do not seem to like me very much. Unconditional love, VERY conditional like. They like my surface--find me entertaining. They think I'm smart. But the stuff in the core of me...they think little of. It makes me so sad.
Away from home, I thrive. Away from home, my kitchen is clean, I have jobs, I get good grades, I wake up on time, I seize the day. Home reverts me back to childhood. Therefore I am desperately trying to get out. Therefore I am desperately trying to prove myself. Therefore I am desperately trying to fight the urge to sleep all day and facebook all night, but it is hard. It is very hard. So, I guess that's the babyishness, the immaturity, the irresponsibility. Though, I really don't think I'm that bad if I were in someone's else's family...someone else's standards.
Self-absorbed and selfish. Two words I've heard from a couple of people lately. I'm looking out for number one, sure. I'm the only me I've got, and until I'm married with children, I am going to put myself before others in a general sense. There will always be circumstances where I put others first, and I believe I do this often, but I need to make sure I'm happy before I can make anyone else happy. I mean, I really can't make anyone else happy.
I am tired. I am drained. I am feeling like the world is against me. I am feeling like curling into a ball and giving up. All these adjectives people use to describe others and describe themselves seem futile. Just be a person and let other be people, too. I'm just a girl at a crossroad, trying to find out what makes me happy. Trying to grow up and be an independent, self-sufficient person. Trying to plant some roots. Trying to make decisions. Trying to be a grown-up. I need some time. Please give me a break.
I generally like the person I am, but it's hard to like myself when others, who are related, who are forced to love me by laws of blood, do not seem to like me very much. Unconditional love, VERY conditional like. They like my surface--find me entertaining. They think I'm smart. But the stuff in the core of me...they think little of. It makes me so sad.
Away from home, I thrive. Away from home, my kitchen is clean, I have jobs, I get good grades, I wake up on time, I seize the day. Home reverts me back to childhood. Therefore I am desperately trying to get out. Therefore I am desperately trying to prove myself. Therefore I am desperately trying to fight the urge to sleep all day and facebook all night, but it is hard. It is very hard. So, I guess that's the babyishness, the immaturity, the irresponsibility. Though, I really don't think I'm that bad if I were in someone's else's family...someone else's standards.
Self-absorbed and selfish. Two words I've heard from a couple of people lately. I'm looking out for number one, sure. I'm the only me I've got, and until I'm married with children, I am going to put myself before others in a general sense. There will always be circumstances where I put others first, and I believe I do this often, but I need to make sure I'm happy before I can make anyone else happy. I mean, I really can't make anyone else happy.
I am tired. I am drained. I am feeling like the world is against me. I am feeling like curling into a ball and giving up. All these adjectives people use to describe others and describe themselves seem futile. Just be a person and let other be people, too. I'm just a girl at a crossroad, trying to find out what makes me happy. Trying to grow up and be an independent, self-sufficient person. Trying to plant some roots. Trying to make decisions. Trying to be a grown-up. I need some time. Please give me a break.
Monday, February 15, 2010
My Bucket List
1. Sky dive
2. Get a tattoo
3. Perform Rhapsody in Blue with a full orchestra.
4. Play at an open mic night.
5. Hike a respectable mountain.
6. Get married to someone I love
7. Have a baby (or 2 or 3)
8. Live in another country for 6 months or longer
9. Rescue farm animals
10. Write a children's book
11. Learn to ride a bike
12. Read every book by Kurt Vonnegut
13. Be fluent in a non-English language
14. Work with an animal rights/rescue organization.
15. Run a 5k
16. See Joni Mitchell in concert
17. Meet Jane Goodall
18. Not suck at yoga
19. Get an appropriate amount of high and enjoy it
20. Give my dad an extravagant, expensive gift
21. Free all grudges and fights with people
22. Start a non-profit/major fundraiser
23. Be the recipient of a grand, romantic gesture
24. Give a grand, romantic gesture
25. Ride in a hot air balloon
26. Organize a vegan cupcake bake-off
27. See all 100 of the AFI 100 Movies.
28. Make a name for myself in the vegan community
29. Go rock-climbing
30. Teach baby ballet/tap
31. Protest something at a...protest
32. Be in a flash mob
33. Learn to play the harp
34. Learn to play the drums
35. Ride a motorcycle
36. Drive all night to surprise someone
37. Go geocaching
38. Create a time capsule
39. Spend a week in silence
40. Travel alone
41. Go on a wine-tasting tour
42. Be in the audience of Saturday Night Live
43. Send thank you letters to past teachers/professors who changed/shaped me
44. Drive across the country on a vegan food tour
45. Ski
46. Pole dance
47. Learn to play the ukulele
2. Get a tattoo
3. Perform Rhapsody in Blue with a full orchestra.
4. Play at an open mic night.
5. Hike a respectable mountain.
6. Get married to someone I love
7. Have a baby (or 2 or 3)
8. Live in another country for 6 months or longer
9. Rescue farm animals
10. Write a children's book
11. Learn to ride a bike
12. Read every book by Kurt Vonnegut
13. Be fluent in a non-English language
14. Work with an animal rights/rescue organization.
15. Run a 5k
16. See Joni Mitchell in concert
17. Meet Jane Goodall
18. Not suck at yoga
19. Get an appropriate amount of high and enjoy it
20. Give my dad an extravagant, expensive gift
21. Free all grudges and fights with people
22. Start a non-profit/major fundraiser
23. Be the recipient of a grand, romantic gesture
24. Give a grand, romantic gesture
25. Ride in a hot air balloon
26. Organize a vegan cupcake bake-off
27. See all 100 of the AFI 100 Movies.
28. Make a name for myself in the vegan community
29. Go rock-climbing
30. Teach baby ballet/tap
31. Protest something at a...protest
32. Be in a flash mob
33. Learn to play the harp
34. Learn to play the drums
35. Ride a motorcycle
36. Drive all night to surprise someone
37. Go geocaching
38. Create a time capsule
39. Spend a week in silence
40. Travel alone
41. Go on a wine-tasting tour
42. Be in the audience of Saturday Night Live
43. Send thank you letters to past teachers/professors who changed/shaped me
44. Drive across the country on a vegan food tour
45. Ski
46. Pole dance
47. Learn to play the ukulele
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Under the Willow Tree
This is a song that sounds way too much like Afternoon Delight. Nonetheless, it's pretty peppy.
I want to ride our bikes to a willow tree
Just me and you, just you and me.
I want to read The Old Man and the Sea,
Under the willow tree.
I want to listen to Iron and Wine
You can give me your heart, and I'll give you mine.
Will you hold my hand,
Will you be my man?
Under the willow tree.
I wanna drink lemonade from a lemonade stand,
And talk about far away dreams in far away lands.
We can start a band,
If you'll be my man
Under the willow tree.
I want to ride our bikes to a willow tree
Just me and you, just you and me.
I want to read The Old Man and the Sea,
Under the willow tree.
I want to listen to Iron and Wine
You can give me your heart, and I'll give you mine.
Will you hold my hand,
Will you be my man?
Under the willow tree.
I wanna drink lemonade from a lemonade stand,
And talk about far away dreams in far away lands.
We can start a band,
If you'll be my man
Under the willow tree.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Things about Amy by Amy
I am insatiable. I am melancholy. I am happy to be sad. I prefer Seattle's weather to San Diego. I listen to sad, heart-breaking music when my heart is just fine. I expect grand gestures and tragic romance (thanks to too much When Harry Met Sally in my formative years). I rarely find people very interesting. I value brains over heart. Passionless people bore me. I am restless. I want to move and chop off my hair and learn a new instrument and make lists and check off lists and make new friends constantly. I have an amazing core group of friends. I am self-aware...I think. I can't focus long enough to write anything beyond stream of consciousness bullshit. I am too critical. I am my best at 2 in the morning and that does not make me lazy for sleeping in the next morning; I just don't want to waste my best hours. I am lazy. I want to be a mother. I want to save animals. I want to change the world. I will look back on myself now in 10 years and think I'm ridiculous. I do not think you should put anyone's happiness above your own, sans your spouse or kids. I expect the worst so I can be pleasantly surprised. I wake up hyperventilating all the time and I don't know why. I don't make excuses and I don't listen to other peoples' excuses...everyone has problems, it doesn't give anyone the right to be an asshole. I want to read everything and see everything and hear everything and be everything all at once. All or nothing. Excess. Addiction. Too much good sense to act upon that. Control freak. Hypochondriac. Romantic. Overly-nostalgic. HISTRIONIC. Abstract. Overwhelmed. Underwhelmed. Whelmed. Pretentious. Jealous. Girl. Person.
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