Oh, Life

I don't think anyone reads my blog, and that is just fine. I'm too lazy to actually write in a journal, so typing works.

I have been living at home for a month now. Unemployed. Out of school. Depressed. Lonely, but not alone. Life is too easy here. Too stagnant. It's too easy to just be content, but then you realize you're sitting still, sleeping in too late, going to bed too late, and you don't know what day of the week it is. All I've been doing is community theater, wedding stuff for my sister, which is over now, and playing instruments badly. Oh yeah, and blowing my nose. And cooking some. And having man drama (which doesn't have the same ring to it as "boy drama"), but I think that's all over now. The drama is all in my head, anyway. It's not real.

I've recently applied for jobs at both the CA Farm Sanctuary and the NY Farm Sanctuary, and right now, the NY shelter job openings are looking pretty promising. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but things are looking good. I couldn't stop myself from craigslisting Watkins Glen/Ithaca apartments today...found a really cute 2-bedroom farm house for $1135/month...anyone? Anyone? Also got a call from Michelle Sass, my vegan hero and former FS Los Angeles Activist Coordinator...also the queen of Daiya cheese. Apparently "big things" are happening in the vegan world in LA, and they want me on board and I should move back? I guess if the opportunity was good enough, I would...but only with the promise of a steady paycheck. I really hate LA.

Got a hair cut today cause I'm so damn bored. Man, I want this job. I was so at peace at the farm...hanging out in the goat barn, walking down the hill early in the morning while deer crossed in front of me...secret little forests and hidden waterfalls. State parks that actually make me want to hike. And vegans galore, with the same fire and passion I have to help animals. Vegan potlucks. Leafletting. Mmmmmm...heaven.

I use too many elipses.

I'm 22 now and it's not so cute to make bad decisions in the world of romance. No more fucking around. I want a family, and I need to stop wasting my time on things that won't get me to that place. No more masochism. No more wallowing. No more addiction. No more wanting things/people I'll never have. No more prioritizing someone's brain over their heart. Both matter. Both matter an awful lot.

I might start teaching baby ballet soon. Cute alert. Look out, ovaries.

I think I might start trying all this "Secret" bullshit. I guess I should start by not calling it bullshit. I'll look at pictures of upstate NY farm houses and hang out with some goats and start "manifesting" this dream into the "universe." Oh man, I don't know if I can do this. I guess it's worth a try. Positive thinking? The power of prayer? Might as well do this.